WRITING CULTURE 2012: Film, Food & Beyond

Worms…I mean onions on the table
Source: http://www.melaniecooks.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/sauteed-red- onions.jpg

As a little girl my mother fed me some eggplant and cooked slimy onions…at the same time. Needless to say, I was traumatized. The slimy taste of the onions  combined with the disgusting smell of the eggplant scarred me for life.  It did not help when a boy from next door tricked me into eating a burnt onion which looked like meat to me. While he had a laugh I was once again shaking in disgust over the slimy onion sliding down my throat. This all happened when I was six.

Of course, I was a disgrace to my Dominican mother who can eat anything and everything.  She always tells me I should eat everything  that is available, including onions, in order to survive. Personally, I’d rather die.

Let’s talk about the onion. First of all, sometimes they’re purple, sometimes they’re white, sometimes they make you cry? Maybe i’m thinking about it too much but why would I cook with something that brings tears to my eyes? Second of all, is the feel of onions. If they are crunchy, the taster bursts out of it like a lemon right in your mouth. It is the most bitter taste on this earth. Followed by the smell, it is completely unbearable.

I should make something very clear, I do like onion flavored chips because the smell and the taste are very subtle. However, I have a problem with onion rings. Why are these restaurants trying to trick me? You give me a deep fried onion that is supposed to taste better but inside is the usual slimy onion? It’s like that boy from my neighborhood all over again, except this time I feel betrayed because I actually paid for this experience.

In conclusion, onions do not make sense. I don’t understand why they are useful or why people eat them. They physically seek to repel any human from eating them. They make you cry, they give you bad breath and they feel like worms slowly dragging themselves down your throat and out to lay eggs on your unsuspecting stomach. How many signs must the universe give to human beings to alert them to the predator that is the onion?