Earthquake

6 a.m., I greeted my grandma and grandpa, who are the heads of the family. I then greeted my parents and left. In Nepali households, it is traditional to wake up and greet your elders. We all sat down for a casual breakfast every morning. Porridge had been prepared for us all by my mother. Even though my two sisters ate it, I didn’t want to eat porridge because I was really craving cookies. Little 10-year-old me was unaware that my mother had to get up at six in the morning to prepare breakfast. My grandma told me to eat what was on the plate, but I sobbed more and made a tanrum. I was so used to getting what I wanted. My mother had to leave her breakfast to bring me cookies so I would actually eat something. 8 a.m., my grandma was getting me ready. “Growing up will be hard, and there will be times when even if you cry, you won’t get what you want.” She gives me these lectures every morning. I gave an ignorant smile. I used to despise when my grandmother lectured me. Hearing all of this bothered me every day. She dressed me, and I gave my grandfather an embrace hug since he used to smuggle 20 rupee bills into my pocket. Because of this, he was my favorite. I simply waved my grandmother off. She asked me for a hug; I gave her a side hug and left. My mother shouted, “Your bus is here.” I said goodbye to everyone.

11:30 am: It was my second period. I loved my second period, as the teacher was super nice and let us be more free than other teachers. Me and my friend were just chatting about the show we watched the day before. We all kept silent as we greeted the teacher as she entered the room, opened our textbooks, and picked up where we had left off the day before. Just as the teacher was explaining the upcoming project to us, my pencil and the table started to move. In my first intuition, I thought the boys were just moving the tables, but as the movement got stronger, I feared it was more than the tables moving. My teacher started screaming, “Bhukampa, Bhukampa.” Everyone started screaming and running from the class. As the ground was moving too quickly for me to stand up straight, I panicked and began to run away. When I began looking around the room for a place to hide, I noticed my friend Jenny sobbing underneath the table. This earthquake was much stronger than what I’ve encountered before, so staying inside the building was far more risky, so I pulled my friends and started running while tears were pouring from my eyes. It was a whole different experience for me because this time I wasn’t next to my family; neither my mom nor my grandma were holding me or comforting me. This time I had to be a bigger person, hold my friend, and guide her to run with me. We were on the second floor, and the stairs were packed with people. I saw the new cracks in the wall and the cries of kids. Everyone was pushing. Seeing everyone’s panicked faces and cries made me more anxious, so I started pushing everyone and heading towards the end. All I wanted was to be out of that building. I could not bear all the screaming. I pulled my friend away. Sticking my head out, I could see light close enough to exist. I pushed harder, holding my friend’s hand tighter. I smelled the breeze and fresh air. A crowd of people were outside with their heads covered, which gave me a sense of relief. I ran even after seeing the trees outside the building. Huffing as the tears kept flowing from my eyes, I lay on the ground, and I could still feel small movements. I didn’t realize the buggers were coming out of my nose; I didn’t realize the dust in my white shirt. I couldn’t stop my legs from trembling, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from running. All I could wish for was for my mom to be there with me so I could hug her and she could wipe my tears from my eyes. All I wished at that point was that my family was here with me.

Things finally calmed down. The right side of our school had all fallen down. A few kids have been injured. I hear Sinaran everywhere. Ambulance and firefighters were all gathered up. All the students were up in front of the crowd, waiting for their parents to come. My eyes were scattering around, looking for my sister. I saw my older sister, Dawa, running up to me. I ran and ran and hugged her. Maybe that was my first time actually hugging my sister like that. I never knew my sister was that comforting. I smelled the perfume that my sister uses: sweet vanilla strawberry. I saw her holding her tears too; she asked me repeatedly. Pasang, my younger sister, was. I looked around, panicking, to see if she was safe or not. I looked around; she was in a group of kids. I ran to her and hugged her. This was the very first time I had shown much affection toward my sister. All the family members were called up. Everyone’s family showed up, but my mom was super late. This wasn’t really like her because, in this situation, she would always be the first one to show up. My sisters and I waited for 2 hours until she showed up.

I still remember the tears in her eyes as she hugged us. I didn’t know if she was crying because she was worried about us or if something else had happened. But she sobbed while comforting us. Things were much better as my mom was next to me, but my mom still had an upset face. I knew not to question her. While walking home, she was taking us to a different path; that path was leading us to my aunt’s house, my aunt “nema,” with whom my mom was best friends. I kept crying to her, saying I wanted to go home and see my grandma and grandpa. But she just gave me an upset look and asked me to stay there with my aunt. My sister and I stayed with my aunt for the whole day. We had so much fun since our aunt used to love spoiling us, and we were also having a sleepover with our cousins. We hadn’t had this sleepover for a very long time. We all went to sleep in an open area since it was still scary to sleep inside the house.

It was the next morning, and my mom was here to pick us up, and she still looked upset. I didn’t question her; she quietly said there might be some changes in our house. I was confused; she said the earthquake left some cracks in our house; I didn’t know the crack she meant was the whole kitchen falling. When I saw our house, there were more than a few changes. But it was nothing compared to what was coming. My mom sat us down and told us that Grandma had major injuries because of the earthquake. As soon as she said that, I started crying for my grandma. At that point, like my grandma said, even after all the crying, I didn’t get what I wanted. I kept crying to see my grandma, but my mom didn’t let us see her for the whole week.

I was going to finally see my grandma. I was very quiet during our ride from our house to the hospital. I had so much going on that I couldn’t think straight. I just wanted to see my grandma. As soon as we got off the car, I ran; there were, admittedly, so many people. Doctors were running, and families were crying. I still didn’t care; I tried taking a peek in every room to look for my grandma from the window, pulling my mom’s hand. She grabbed me and said not to say anything to Grandma as I walked into the room; there was a big cloth on top of her. My stomach dropped. I knew what the cloth covering the body meant. I had seen scenes in movies where they put clothes on top of the dead body. I tried taking it off, but the nurses yelled at me not to touch it, so I kept calling her. But she didn’t respond back. I went blank. My stomach was hurting, my eyes were running, and the feeling of my grandma not being a part of my life was killing me. I yelled and yelled, blaming it on me.

My tears were all dried up, and I had a major sense of guilt. I wish I had eaten that porridge with all my family; I wish I had given her a big and tight hug and told her how much I am thankful to have her. Knowing the last thing I’ve done was throw an attitude It was a very teachable moment for me that you should appreciate what you have when you have it because, no matter how much you cry or beg, you will never get it.

2015, It was just a regular day for me. I got up at six because I had school at ten. It was a regular routine to wake up at 6. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I greeted my grandma and grandpa, who are the heads of the family. I then greeted my parents and left. Every morning we all sat down for a casual breakfast. My mom had made all of us some porridge to eat. Although my two sisters ate it, I really didn’t want to have porridge for breakfast. I was really craving cookies. The little 10-year-old me didn’t know that my mom had to wake up at 6 to make breakfast. I cried and threw a tantrum because I really wanted cookies. My grandma told me to eat whatever was on the plate, but I just cried more because I was used to getting whatever I wanted. So to make me happy, my mom had to leave her breakfast to get me cookies. I had my breakfast after that. My grandma was getting me ready, and she told me that “growing up will be hard, and there will be times when even if I cry, I won’t get what I want”. I smiled inanely. My grandmother used to give me a lecture, and I disliked it. Every day she said the same thing to me. Every day hearing all of this annoyed me. She got me ready, and I hugged my grandpa goodbye because he used to sneak 20 rupees in my pocket. That’s why he was my favorite. I just waved my grandma goodbye. She asked me if I didn’t want to hug her. I hugged her and said goodbye. Your bus is here, my mom shouted. I waved everyone good-bye.

11:30 am: My second period was about to start. Me and my friend were just chatting about the show we watched the day before. We all got quiet because the teacher was here; we started opening our textbook and resuming where we left off the day before. The teacher was just telling us about the upcoming assignment when, all of a sudden, I saw my pencil moving and slowly felt the ground shaking as well. My teacher started screaming, “Bhukampa, Bhukampa.” I heard everyone screaming and running from the class. My friend Jenny was hiding underneath the table, crying. I was so surprised at the moment that I couldn’t think straight. This has happened before, but this was a whole different experience for me. I was not next to my family; neither my mom nor my grandma was holding me or comforting me. This time I had to be a bigger person and hold my friend and guide her to run with me. We were on the second floor, and I could not even walk straight because the whole building was moving, and at the moment all I could think about was how I was going to get out. I started seeing cracks in the building. Everyone was pushing. My friend was crying. I saw a little girl under the desk. Seeing all that, I started crying. I cried so hard that I started pushing everyone and heading towards the end. All I wanted was to be out of that building. I could not bear all the screaming. I pulled my friend, and when I saw everyone on the ground with their heads covered, it gave me a sense of relief. I ran even after I was out of the building. When I sat on the ground, the ground stopped moving. I didn’t realize that my legs were moving the whole time; I didn’t realize the buggers were coming out of my nose; I didn’t realize the dust in my white shirt. I couldn’t stop my legs from trembling, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from running. All I could wish for was for my mom to be there with me so I could hug her and she could wipe my tears from my eyes. All I wished at that point was that my family was here with me.

I heard cries everywhere, and I saw my older sister, Dawa, running up to me. I ran and ran and hugged her. Maybe that was my first time actually hugging my sister like that. I never knew my sister was that comforting. I smelled the perfume that my sister uses: the sweet vanilla strawberry.  I saw her holding her tears too; she asked me repeatedly?Pasang, my younger sister, was. I looked around, panicking, to see if she was safe or not. I looked around; she was there with a group of kids. I ran to her and hugged her. This was the very first time I had shown much affection toward my sister. Our teacher gathered everyone up in one place, and we were all just waiting until someone came to check on the students. All the family members were called up. Everyone’s family showed up, but my mom was super late. This wasn’t really like her because, in this situation, she would always be the first one to show up. My sister waited for 2 hours until she showed up.

I still remember the tears in her eyes as she hugged us. I still remember when she sobbed while hugging us three. I didn’t know if she was crying because she was worried about us or if something else had happened. But she cried.Things were much better as my mom was next to me, but my mom still had an upset face. I knew I didn’t want to question her. We were taking a different path from where we regularly go. I knew that path, and I know It didn’t go to our house; that path was leading us to my aunt’s house, my aunt “nema,” with whom my mom was best friends. I kept crying to her, saying I wanted to go home and see my grandma and grandpa. But she just gave me an upset look and asked me to stay there with my aunt. My sister and I stayed with my aunt for the whole day. We had so much fun since our aunt used to love spoiling us, and we were also having a sleepover with our cousins. We hadn’t had this sleepover for a very long time. We all went to sleep in an open area since it was still scary to sleep inside the house.

The next morning, my mom was there to pick us up, and she still looked upset. I didn’t question her; she quietly said there might be some changes in our house. I was confused; she said the earthquake left some cracks in our house; I didn’t know the crack she meant was the kitchen, the whole kitchen falling. When I saw our house, there were more than a few changes. But it was nothing compared to what was coming. My mom sat us down and told us that Grandma had major injuries because of the earthquake. As soon as she said that, I started crying for my grandma. At that point, like my grandma said, even after all the crying, I didn’t get what I wanted. I kept crying to see my grandma, but my mom didn’t let us see her for the whole week.

My whole family was very quiet during our ride from our house to the hospital. I had so much going on that I couldn’t think straight. I just wanted to see my grandma.

As soon as we got off the car, I ran to see my grandma. There were so many people, admittedly. Doctors were running, and families were crying. I still didn’t care; I still ran to see my grandma. They have a curtain over her. I asked my mom to leave up the curtain, and I kept calling my grandma. She didn’t respond back. I kept calling her. My mom said to tell her goodbye because we are going back home. I knew that something bad had happened to her. My mom just described it as a minor injury, but it was way more than that. I knew my mom was just trying to hide it. She pulled me out and told me to go back in the car. While we were waiting in the car, my sister kept mentioning how Grandma isn’t here with us anymore. My stomach sank. I was so mad at you for saying something horrible like that. But deep in me, I knew I would never see this again in my life. My mom silently got back in the car, and she told us my grandma wouldn’t be with us anymore. At that point, I didn’t know how to react; I started crying, just like my sister. I know how much I ask of her, but she won’t be here with us. I hated everything I said to her. I cried to the point that it was hard for me to breathe. It was a very teachable moment for me that you should appreciate what you have when you have it because, no matter how much you cry or beg, you will never get it.

Writing Mimesis

“But he’s not my friend! I almost blurted. He’s my servant! Had I really thought that? Of course I hadn’t. I hadn’t. I treated Hassan well, just like a friend, better even, more like a brother. But if so, then why, when Baba’s friends came to visit with their kids, didn’t I ever include Hassan in our games? Why did I play with Hassan only when no one else was around?”  kite runner by khaled hosseini. This quote really shows how much this cast in Asia really means. Even if you’re the same color and have similar features, just because you have a different last name on the end, they will treat you differently because you are less than me because your cast is lower. Growing up in Nepal, where these casts really defined your statues, reading this book has really taught me a lot. Seeing myself act the way the protagonist was acting, I really do see myself doing it. But it has really taught me a lesson; I can see how the actions I take are hurting others. At the end of the day, we are all humans. I don’t know why you need to differentiate  someone because of that cast or what kind of last name they have. It’s all society that puts these negative thoughts in kids minds. I am sure if these were never told to me, then I would have treated someone like that. I don’t blame society for the way I acted, but I do blame them for putting these beliefs in my mind, and if society doesn’t advance, then low-caste people will still be treated like that.

Writing Hormesis/stress

I started running from my house to the park, which was a mile away from my house. I wasn’t sure what kind of shoes to wear, so I just put on my old high school shoes that stayed with me for a good three years. I tied my hair up high, ran, and bought a dollar spring water from a deli. After that, I started running; my heart was beating so fast that I could feel myself struggling to breathe. I just went for a 2-mile run. My face was all red and in this heat; as soon as I walked inside my house, it was more hot, and I walked into my room and turned on the AC. I had not been running for so long that I was extra tired. I was still hot, so I decided to take a quick cold shower. The cold shower refreshed my whole mind. I was cold while I was taking a shower, but when I got out, it wasn’t cold. Maybe the water was colder than the room. But the cold shower gave me a boost of energy. After a while, my whole body was cold. I felt super refreshed. I felt as if I had just drunk coffee. I wanted to be those girls from YouTube, so I tried being productive. So I made myself a green tea, and while I was making myself a green tea, I decided to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. As my green tea heated up, I went straight to my room. I cleaned up my room and found a pen that my friend had given me. So I kept it in my bag so I could give it back to her once I saw her at her school. After that, I lit a candle and started to put lotion on my body. I also took care of my skin in the meantime. After all that, I drank my green tea while scrolling through TikTok.