Advice & Relationships

Question: My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year and our families keep pressuring us to get married–what should I do?

Answer: If you and your boyfriend are content with how things are going, then focus on each other and try not to let your families pressure you in a negative way. Just remember that they are coming from a good place, even if some people don’t have the right approach.

However, if you do want to get married, these relatives might be giving you a push in the right direction. Talk with your boyfriend and see how he feels about the topic. Set some goals together so that this can become a reality in the near future. Marriage is a big decision, but even if all the stars aren’t lined up right now, all that matters is that you love each other and that you support each other unconditionally. The rest will eventually fall into place.

Question: My boyfriend and I just moved in together, but we keep fighting! I’m worried that we made the wrong decision, how can I save my relationship?

Answer: What are you fighting about? If you had to rate these issues on a scale from 1-10, how high up would you rank them? If you are “fighting” over issues that might rank 1-5, drop it and learn how to pick your battles! If these issues rank between 5-10, you need to both improve your communication and put more effort into the relationship. The fact that you want to save your relationship shows me that you really care about this person, so its worth fighting for!

Keep in mind that you are both going through a new transition, which takes time and patience. Try to let the little things go, and only speak up when something is really bothering you.

Question: Is it possible to find perfect balance between our personal and collective needs?

Answer: No! There is no such thing as “perfect balance” but in order to maintain a healthy relationship it is very important to make time for yourselves and each other. Spend alone time with your friends and families and set date nights once a week for each other. You will in essence create some balance this way which will be good for your daily outlook. If you spend too much time together or apart you will also run into risks, so try to be mindful of respecting each others space, but still making the other a priority.

Question: How can I handle the financial stress better when I am paying more for bills than my boyfriend?

Answer: Is this an arrangement you agreed upon when you first moved in? Why are you paying more? Are you making more money? These are all questions, you should have explored before it came to this decision. As long as your boyfriend is contributing more in other areas, I think this is a fine arrangement as long as its temporary. If for example, your boyfriend makes less money than you or only works part time, you should both establish goals together, so that in the future you can split these responsibilities evenly. Otherwise, you will resent him down the line, and this might even break up your relationship.

Financial issues can be very stressful, especially if one person is carrying the heavier burden, but as long as you speak openly about these concerns, and figure out a new system that seems fair, you should make it through this experience stronger!

Question: Will living together bring us closer, or tear us apart?

Answer: If you are BOTH ready to move in together, this decision should absolutely bring you closer. Focus on the reasons why you made this decision, and don’t get boggled down by the things that annoy you about each other. If you communicate in a healthy manner, these things should get resolved easily. Also try to divide the chores early on in this arrangement so one person doesn’t feel taken advantage of.

If this experience isn’t what you imagined at first, be patient! After all, this is a new experience for both of you. But if you are constantly arguing and neither one is happy, reevaluate the situation and think about what is best for YOU.

Question: How long should we “test the waters” when living together before marriage?

Answer: When you both feel 100% ready! Unfortunately, there is no right/wrong answer to this. But I can relate to your feelings of concern. It really depends on how compatible you are as a couple and if you both want the same things in the future. Make sure you communicate effectively so that discussions of the future don’t scare either of you away. Focus more on building your relationship and enjoying this journey together, and like the old saying goes, when its meant to be, it will be.