Happy 4th!
4 July 2011
Happy Independence Day!! Happy fourth! Happy BBQ! Ahh fireworks. Its 9:15pm. I would be watching my television and seeing the fireworks. Instead of doing that, I hung out with monkeys. Yes you read that correctly monkeys. This is not our first encounter with the monkeys. This time the girls told us about it immediately and started feeding the monkeys! It was cool and pictures will be up. Reflect reflect reflect. This is constantly in the back of my mind. Today with my kids, I tired to make them happy. I am getting into the rhythm of things. Ha! I spoke to Suzana last night and yes I bring her up in my blog a lot because I talk to her about random things and she keeps telling me about my confidence. I spoke to Ash today and she said the same thing. I present myself with confidence and the fact that the girls and possibly one leader, from conference, liked me best. I feel odd about that. I don’t seem to believe that.
There are a lot of things that just hmm are indescribable feelings. I was feeling sick today and think that it’s because of maybe missing one holiday. I can just predict how I’m going to feel in the future about Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Years. My computer is being weird like not backing up my things like pictures. Today I recorded this adorable little girl and she has such thin ankles and couldn’t even walk. My teacher though was dancing and she was dancing. She just had this energy about her and is so precious. The class was helping the little ones, not Senior Kg but JR KG to do activities for tomorrow. There are three activities that they are going to do tomorrow: relay race, balancing a book on one’s head, and three-legged race. Relay race was fun to see since they don’t know what to do but this one girl was just amazing and ran so fast and was so into it! The competition tomorrow should be exciting.
Reflect: I keep pushing off my Peace Corps essays. It’s 27 months of my life and it would be pretty hardcore. I don’t even know what I am going to be doing at the end of July, if we are going to Agra (Taj Mahal) or not. 27 months on my life. It’s something that I have yet to fathom or wrap around my head. 27 months of my life. 27 months ago, I was second semester of college. I was still a freshman. If I could tell myself the things I knew now. Economics wouldn’t be the master of me and I wouldn’t have that D in my GPA. I would work hard to be in Golden Key, and that is the one that hold me back. I have the experience and it leads to not being good enough.
I wrote about not being good enough almost a year ago but there are some things that a girl just can’t get over. I have a lot to work on, myself and working on me. Why am I still affected by what happened one year ago? A year, 12 months, has been a long journey and I am still I the process of accepting who I am and who I can be. I need to just accept that there are just some things that will never change. I can’t change the past but I can change my decisions now for the future. I can decide on myself and not allow myself to feel like crap all the time. I can allow myself to feel crappy and bitter and literally pick myself apart but what does that do? What do I learn from picking myself apart?
The person that I am today is because of my past and there are some things that will forever be a part of past that I may want to forget but they changed me, for the better, for good. I have to say that I still to this day like myself but I know that I still need to work on me. I need to work on things that I have lost or are just a memory. I need to remember how to be happy and not appear sad all the time. I need to just not put on that fake smile and claim that everything is alright but in sincerity life sucks and everything’s not alright. It’s okay to say that life’s hard and there are bumps on the road and maybe it’s a learning experience but one has to believe that and take their own advice about things.
I constantly say things that I have yet to do or to back up so maybe I should just keep my mouth shut then. Reflect, reflect.