Never Good Enough?
It has a been a very long time since I have been on this blog. A lot has happened since I was here. My brother graduated from college!! I got my grades back from the Spring semester and I did pretty well so I am glad about that. I got my certificate from the GSC Program and got an award as well. I got into Zicklin and into International Business!! I finally can say that I am officially an International Business major. This is exciting because now I can dive into my major classes and enjoy them.
I should be ecstatic about my life right now: I have two days off from work, one of them, I volunteer at the Career Center at school, reviewing resumes, doing projects, such as creating topics for what we, the Peers, can write about in the fall for the school newspaper. I have work three times a week and I have my weekends off as well.
Now why am I not happy or ecstatic? Recently, on my mother’s birthday, my boyfriend and I of two years broke up. Boo hoo right?! The only thing is that I feel more relieved than ever. I should be depressed/crying my eyes out but I’m not. The week before our break-up I was crying but for a different reason, which brings me to my topic: Are we ever good enough for ourselves?
We, I’m referring to girls but can relate to guys as well, also say “I’m never good enough for this person because such and such a reason…” I say you are good enough. You do not have to classify yourself as not good enough because one person “rejects.” Why should it matter their reasoning? You should now know by now, that the people who love you, like friends and family, will always be there to support you and there can be a dozens of people saying you are good enough, but that one person who means the world to you/ you have a crush on “rejects” you, you suddenly are never good enough? I think this is a bunch of baloney.
This was not the case for me. My boyfriend, now ex, never ever stated that I wasn’t good enough for him. In fact he stated several times that I deserved better than him because he thought himself that he wasn’t good enough for me. Let’s leave the fact that he goes to a private college and I go to CUNY, which in of itself says it’s bad but I for one think that my education is worth the same if not more than a private institution because I get my education for $2,300 a semester. No, it was his mother who does not, til this day, this I am good enough for her son. She was in control of our relationship and this just boggled my mind because it was not fair for the both of us. I had a feeling, however, because I went to a CUNY school that I was below her son.
Let’s face it: all of us wanted to go or still wants to go to a private institution but the reality of loans and being in debt for a long time does not sound appealing to me, since I get my education paid for my parents, which I am grateful for. My reality was that I was offered financial aid and scholarship money but still would have to pay 14,000 a year, which may not sound much but add room and board which is approximately 10,000 a year plus books, which is about $1200 a year and now times everything by four which is about $100,000 in debt by the time I’m 22. This was not going to happen to me. I rather wait and save that money for graduate school.
Of course, she never allowed me to explain that because she never took the time to actually get to know me. I invited her through her son to have dinner with my family and she refused to have this dinner. I, on the other hand, allowed her to think I was not good enough for her son. It was up until I called him and told him/ mutually decided that we were calling it off that I finally felt free of this woman. I finally have everything I wanted but I still wanted to know why he didn’t fight for me, maybe I wasn’t good enough for him.
It’s ironic because I saw him on Monday, and he told me that his mother thought that I would be kicking and screaming to take him back. It’s not like that whatsoever. I realized very quickly that I was tired of being hurt by him no mater how much I said I loved him, I was worth it. I am good enough.