Journal #1

Where Have You Been and Where Are You Going?

Even though I was born in America, my entire family immigrated here. Which may be typical of many families here in New York. That being said, because my parents didn’t speak much of any English until recent years, they had to work long hours (sewing and fixing radios, if I remember correctly) when I was younger. Before my mom switched her job, I remember either being in daycare/school or at my grandma’s house. Maybe it was because I spent so much time there or because I now realized how hard my parents were working and continue to work, now I value family a lot.

For this reason, I tend to listen and consider their suggestions more than I probably should, especially in regards to my future. But in high school, I made a decision that they didn’t particularly approve of. My parents supported me either way, with much criticism of course, because it was a decision that I would have to live with for the rest of my high school career; choosing an arts heavy major rather than a science or technical major. For the last two years that I spent learning skills such as drawing, photography, graphic design, web design, animation, and film  (video making), I can say that I do not regret the choice I made. Spending all-nighters editing a video that either I made or my group made together or creating a 3D character are experience that I may never have again. I was never a science or technical person anyway. Of course I passed all those classes, but my mind didn’t fully grasp dissecting and learning the elements too well.

This of course left me with limited options as to the career path that I could pursue in. I would be lying if I said I’m not interested in pursuing the newly found interests that I got a taste of. But as my parents insisted, there might not be a stable future down that path. Which led me to the business world that I am not sure if I am ready to immerse myself into as of yet. Mainly because a lot of which, to my beliefs  — correct me if I’m wrong –, involves being socially active and being able to present my ideas well or it could lead me down a mundane office life would definitely keep me in my closed bubble.

Why you may ask? I probably wouldn’t be forced to face my fears of speaking to others. Which is apparently a big problem that I thought I was able to let go of. Even though I have had experience speaking to others, whether it be children at a summer camp or actual working adults in the business world at an internship I had two summers ago, the nervousness I feel doesn’t seem to go away easily. Hopefully, my speech communications class will be able to get rid of this problem once at for all and not just temporarily as it was before. Otherwise, I’m going to have big problems in the future.

With the semester only lasting from August to December and with classes that will be changing next semester, unlike the way high school was structure, I wonder if I will be able to adjust myself to be more comfortable with not only my classmates but the classroom environment in time to be able to easily and more actively participate and immerse myself into the discussions. This is of course one of the many problems I’ve begun to encounter as college started. Another would be to manage myself more efficiently. The workload as increase slightly, but in exchange we have more time in our schedules. Yet, as embarrassed as I am to say this, I have succumbed to the evils of procrastination. There always seems to be more time, until there isn’t anymore. But, this hasn’t changed my “no sleeping until everything is finished” policy.

As the reality of college life has really hit me when I got my first papers back and anxiously waiting for the upcoming exams and deadlines, I know and will try hard to curb my habits. Although I had hoped to add some fun to my life in terms of clubs, I do not know if I will be able to this semester. As of right now, my goals for this semester is to
– work harder since there is a GPA to maintain to stay in honors.
– try to overcome my shyness and fear of speaking.
– gain more confidence along the way.
– try hard enjoy the most of classes that I’m currently in because most of them happen to fall in the categories that I  don’t particularly have an interest for.
– remember to read consistently, whether it be the readings for English/Philosophy or the textbooks.
– remember to ask for help when I need it!

In the further future, I would love to finally find the career path that I would like to pursue. Hopefully, it’ll satisfy both my interests and my parents’; especially since I have a feeling I’ll be by my family for a long time. The most ideal situation would be if this career would allow me to travel a lot. That way I will be able to make up for the traveling I couldn’t do because of how busy my parents were/are and I could still have freedom while being with my family.