Dear Reader,
In my Essay 2 Draft, I focused on the organization of paragraphs and sections to create unity.
I also focused on the development, characteristics, and attributes of a character.
I also chose to develop Essay 1 in a new direction.
A concern would be possibly that perhaps I did not create unity; I was planning to write thoughts concerning possible causes for specific actions; but did decide that, that was another topic; perhaps essay.
Also possibly there exists an inappropriate change of tense.
In any case, I do hope the following essay maintains the reader’s interest.
Essay 2 Draft
In every newspaper, every magazine, every printed piece, Clinton could read “Admits to Affair”.
It was the topic of conversation at work, places of employment; jobs everywhere.
A transgression around since the beginning of time, it may not have been exemplary, it is true, but was it not a personal affair? Only those closest to him had a right to anger and/or upset.
And what about the issues? Issues of government, the economy, ie: the nation? The improvement of issues he was voted into office for? Whether or not proposals for various reforms were being followed through with?
Proposals and reforms for universal healthcare and coverage; proposals of domestic programs for education, worker training and child care subsidies. Reforms for gun control, as well as a ban on assault weapons. Proposals to cut the deficit, and allow for the correct balance between deficit spending and investments, in such domestic programs.
And what about issues of foreign policy? Actions in Somalia, Bosnia, and Haiti? or NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, finally concluded and signed in 1994? or the Kremlin Accords, an agreement signed and concluded with Russian president, Boris Yeltsin, to disallow nuclear arms towards one another’s country?
Was there any concern by the media over whether these reforms were under development towards the economy’s; ie: the nation’s, future prosperity?
Well… it remained to be seen….
But nothing was over yet… and so he would continue working on the issues… for the reasons he was voted into office for…. improving the economy and therefore nation.
At the end of his term, he established The Clinton Foundation, working and acting towards improving the world.
Hope does spring eternal.
Dear Michelle,
This idea of media and how what we intake as news is a subject I have thought a lot about. In this instance I think your point is that everyone got so caught up with his affair, that no one stopped to look at the things he was doing that were actually concerning the well-being of the nation. I think it would be interesting to explore this further, but through the eye of the media, or the eye of an average person’s reaction to his affair and the thought process of that all- of course that would be a different essay though.
I do feel that throughout your essay you repeat a lot of things like for instance “It was the topic of conversation at work, places of employment; jobs everywhere.” All those three places are essentially one place.
I liked the part where you talked about how only those closest to Clinton had the right to be angry or upset. I think in a small way this creates a controversy because as someone in the public sphere, we do judge him not for just politics but him as a person- and the affair showed his lack of moral judgement.
As you pointed out in your draft, I think there are some tense issues, and maybe the use of ‘ie’ is a bit too much of a diversion from the flow of what you are writing. However, judging this draft from the political standpoint, it got me thinking and arguing, which I think is the essential point of a piece like this, which I thought was great.
Hi Michelle,
This was an interesting topic to read about. I especially like that you incorporated thoughtful questions throughout to make the reader think about these issues.
The main point I got from this essay is that Clinton’s personal affair did not affect his ability to successfully lead this country. He was constantly judged and talked about for this one mistake, but regardless, he did a great job of addressing the nation’s biggest issues.
I think what would make this essay even more powerful or effective is if you included more details and examples, or at least something a bit more personal, such as how Clinton’s efforts to improve this world affected you specifically (or even someone you know). What exactly is The Clinton Foundation and how is it benefiting the world? Are there personal examples or experiences that can support your argument?
Including things like this can definitely make this piece a bit more relatable. Good first draft!