Mar 30 2009
Sample Paragraph: Cultural Threads
From designs to trends, New York City has become a fashion staple; deservingly, as it conjoins diverse groups of people who produce diverse ideas. New York City is synonymous with fashion. From streets that manifest our creativity, events that set trends, people who reflect individualism, stores that suit an industry, and an environment that is abundant with inspiration and design. Clothing brands and designers typically trace some roots to New York City, a brand in itself, which is often the root of inspiration of the designs of clothing worn on a global scale.
2 Responses to “Sample Paragraph: Cultural Threads”
Nice paragraph. I like comparison of fashion and NYC because it grabs the reader’s attention. Not much to critique on except maybe shorten your sentences. The last sentence seems like it can be cut in half.
I like the wording, however it seems very complex and throws off the meaning of the paragraph a bit. Also instead of “produce” in the first sentence a synonym for “have” would fit better. As Penaz said in class it could be tough to prove how New York is a fashion capital compared to other parts and countries, but I believe it is very manageable. Also the thesis is very specific and lays out the contract for the rest of the essay. Good Job!