Post #2 sample paragraph
by Troy
A great city is the epicenter of a state. What makes a city so unique is the way it can leave a lasting impression on an individual, whether visiting for the first time or leaving to another state. One city that has his unique quality is New York City. New York is one of the most recognized cities in the United States, because of its ability to leave lasting impressions on so many individuals. Qualities such as the timeless and historical structures, a variety of urban areas, and a mass blend of ethnic groups, truly makes an individual feel at home regardless of ethnic background. Due to those strong feelings, the impression a person has of the city is magnified, because of its emotional significance. Since there is a strong impression of the city, the individual could be placed randomly at any point of the city and still recognize that they are in New York. The reason these certain locations are so easily identifiable with its city, is the fact that it does a great job representing the qualities of what makes the city so magnificent.
Great start. I like the way you mention that New York’s diversity is welcoming to any ethnic group. I think that if you add what the streets in New York have in common it would make your point stronger and clearer. Hope this comment was helpful. 🙂
It’s a very well developed paragraph. One thing I would change though is the 2nd and 3rd sentences repeat a little with the “last impression on individuals” parts. Aside from that, the paragraph was interesting to read and drew the reader in with good information.
Good start. You could vary your word choice to add intrigue. Also, your thesis could be more focused. Stating that the ‘city’s qualities make it identifiable’ is a bit vague and it would be a much stronger argument if in the introduction you specify or focus on the specific qualities. Architecture, I presume?
Thesis is there since you are trying to describe why New York City is so unique to the individuals no matter the circumstances [out/in]avoid to repeat “city” “unique”
and “impression” be focus on your thesis which once again I believe It’s great! cheers.