New York City – Where do I begin? The city welcomes me with its bustle and hustle, it’s lights and smells and sounds.  The taxis honk, the Empire State Building lights up, the heat rises in steam from the subway grates.  People shout at each other in the NYC way, recognizing each other as one-in-the-same.  No matter what job I had, what town I came from, or what stage of my life I was in, the city never judged me, it embraced me (sometimes a little too tight at times!).

I love living in Brooklyn because this gives me an outside view of Manhattan.  I try to plan my trips into the city on either the D, Q or N train just so I can have the opportunity to view the lights and majesticnous as I cross over.  That’s what it feels like; crossing over.  Like I am entering through a portal to another dimension where anything is possible, anything can happen (cue twilight zone music).   A world all its own.  I always make a point to stop what I am doing and look out the window and pause at the sight, even if only for a few seconds.

I allow myself to take in the view, noticing the colors of the sky, and reflection on the water, the number of lights shining through the windows.  I pause and say to myself “Wow.  This is so amazing.  I am in New York City. What in the h$@l am I doing here?” And I laugh, I take a deep breath and say “Yep.  This is my life now.”  If my kids are on the train with me, I will always say to them, “Kids look out the window.  Look at the view.  Isn’t it beautiful?”  The usual response is, “What? Oh yeah.  Um hum.”  I smile to myself, one day they will understand.

I used to live in Manhattan and never would have thought to live in Brooklyn or any borough outside of the city.  But that was the single young life when it was okay to share a run down, three-bedroom with your friends and sleep late, not worry about trying to grocery shop for a family of three and carry groceries home.  Oh no, I love my Brooklyn apartment, back yard, community neighborhood, quiet on a Saturday night.  But I know that the city is still there.  It has never left me.  I might have left it, but it has always been there for me.  That is the amazing thing; the city is here for everyone. And from Brooklyn, it’s only a few blocks and a train ride away.

New York City was my home ten years ago and I left it for a far-off land.  I lived the exciting life of a model, always in the clubs, hanging with the rich and famous.  But that soon wore off and I opted for the married life.  Crazy? Maybe.  But New York City, if you are not careful, can also consume you.  It was a good idea to take a break at the time.  I tried to settle in Japan, have kids, learn a new language, eat strange foods (sushi served with the fish head still moving!!!)  But New York City kept calling me back.  Ten years after being away from the city, I came home (I grew up in Virginia, so it’s not my native home town; but I call it home).   Ten years later, it was like I had never left.  Except now, I go to bed at 10:00 pm instead of 3:00 am and my idea of a fun night is watching a movie with my kids.  But for my Japanese-American children, New York City offers them acceptance, diversity, culture and opportunity.

They get to have experiences they will remember for a life time, like playing basketball on the Brooklyn Nets court at Barclay’s Center, seeing the Statue of Liberty when we go to the park, walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, visiting amazing museums like the American Museum of Natural History and the Brooklyn Children’s Museum, ice skating in Bryant Park, Halloween block parties, live music, entertainment, fairy rides, amazing food from around the world and most importantly, making truly amazing friends that will accept them for who they are.  There is so much to do and see, I have to force myself to take a break (This weekend I will stay at home and rest! Oh look!  A ramen festival; let’s go!)

But this all comes at a price!  When I am stuck on the train platform waiting for the train dripping with sweat from a lack of air conditioning in 95 degree weather, or carrying those heavy bags of groceries with the blistering wind burning my face, or the rent that drains my account for a tiny apartment, I will always ask myself, “What am I doing here? Why am I in this city?”  It is an on-going conversation that I have with myself.  “I am here because this city offers what no other city in the world can, so stop complaining!”

I was addressing a package to my mom for Mother’s Day and on it I had to write my return address.  I get to fill out my address as “Brooklyn, NY.”  I am proud of that.  I am proud that I am able to live and survive in NY.  (And it is exactly that sometimes, surviving!)  But I’m doing it and I am proud to say that I am doing it well, with two kids.  I look around myself and I see all the other people that choose to be here and make this place their home.  I know that they are doing it too.  They are surviving and doing their thing alongside me.  You can tell the New Yorkers apart from the tourists (Did you know those paper fold out maps of the subway system still exist? I saw it first hand on the F train last week).  I feel a connection to resident New Yorkers around me; like we are a family.  We share something in common.  We put up with the trains and the stink and the rent prices together, but we see the beauty in between it all too.  But, we also have a dream; we have a will to do something for ourselves and our family that we couldn’t get where we were at before.  We made a choice to come here; to be here.  We want to be ourselves and live freely to do as we please without judgement or discrimination.  The city and its lights, its sounds and it smells are a safe place, despite the crime, despite the dangers. It is a safe place, knowing that you can express yourself freely.  I have lived in many cities and countries around the world and none can compare to this one right here.  This city called New York; it is home to anyone who accepts it. Once you surrender to it, it’s yours forever.  I love New York City.