Written by Arnold Brown, “Relationships, Community, and Identity in the New
Virtual Society” analyzes the various effects that social media has on
individual connections. One of these aspects that Brown writes about is dating.
He predicts that finding a mate online will be increasingly common. He even
claims that these sites and social media sites will “change the nature of
relationships”. Arnold Brown mentioned in his article a Chinese role playing
marriage site, “Wang Hun”, that are causing increased tensions among actual
marriages when this is viewed as cheating on a spouse.
As dating sites begin to increase in quantity and more members join, I find that Brown’s claim is valid that more people will turn to these sites to find a companion. However,
I do not agree with his proposing the idea that there will be “virtual spouses”
in “virtual marriages” inthe future. While it is true that the internet has
become a popular source for connections among individuals that share common
interests and perhaps seek romance, I do not think that a “virtual marriage”
will outweigh the meaning of an actual marriage. We have discussed in class how
social media potentially affects relationships. I agree that the intrnet has
both strengthened and weakened casual relationships, however I believe that to equate a
virtual marriage where the two individuals have not even met face to face with
an actual marriage is pushing the prediction a little too far. While friendships
may be made online based on common interests, marriages have a deep tie that I
do not think can be recreated online. Brown does mention that “the big mistake
that the fearful always make is to equate change with destruction”, a statement
that I agree with. There may be more ways to meet individuals online, however
they do not eliminate the methods of meeting someone in person.
I never understood that why people need to date online. How they cannot find a partner in the “real” life??? I mean we are social beings and interact with people the whole day. One can meet “the one” anywhere, on the train, in the store, friend’s house, school, library etc. etc. People have to go around with an open eye (and mind) and they will find whom they are looking for.
Before I thought that, people, who look for a partner online, are so desperate to find love. They couldn’t find love in a traditional way and now, as the last chance they look for online. My concern is that, how a person who wasn’t successful finding a partner in a traditional way hoping to find a partner on line? If one failed to accomplish in one way why would be successful in another? What is the difference???
Recently, I started to think that people, who like online dating, are lazy. How much easier is to sit on the computer and write some people than go out and meet with someone? I mean someone has to get dressed and go to a place; spend time and money on “real dating”. However, at home you don’t need all these efforts. My 17 years old nice told me that if they need a guy to go to a party with, they go online and meet someone. Well, how meaningful that is.
Virtual marriages??? Nobody wants that. I hope. Nothing can replace the traditional one. Yes, being married is sometimes difficult, spouses have rough times, however it has its passion, closeness, affection, intimacy and happiness that a virtual relationship CANNOT give.
I think this whole online dating and marriage is taking it way to far. There is no way that anyone can feel any chemistry for someone when they meet them online, There is no way that you can truly know who a person is by meeting them online. What ever happened to going out and meeting new people, flirting, giving someone the “eye” to let them know that you like them, you cannot possibly have that through online dating. You have to feel something for someone, not just match your compatibilities through the ridiculous questions they ask on these dating sites like how much money do you make and what do you do in your free time. I mean come on now. the whole “i like to take long walks on the beach” is not reality. I agree with the person above who said that you can meet anyone anywhere. You can feel an attraction to someone without knowing all the little things, after you start dating and talking is when you can figure out if they are truly right for you. Not to mention that internet dating isn’t always so safe. Everyone needs to be normal social beings and go out and eventually they can meet the right person. Internet dating should be a last resort.
In response to edit.bak’s comment:
Although I have never used online dating to find a boyfriend, I can understand the mindset of someone who would. I have a few male friends who are gay, and they have told me countless times about how it is hard to find a “good gay man” in New York City when most of the only popular places to meet men who are “out” would be in dirty, dark clubs. I think it’s nice for people to have an alternative way of meeting people, because just because you *met* someone online doesn’t mean your whole relationship happens virtually.
“My concern is that, how a person who wasn’t successful finding a partner in a traditional way hoping to find a partner on line? If one failed to accomplish in one way why would be successful in another? What is the difference???”
There are huge differences between finding a potential mate in-person and finding them through a reputable dating website. For instance, online, you can literally weed out the people you would never be compatible with through extensive questionnaires and personality tests–something you could never do with someone you randomly met on the train or in a convenience store. Granted, using these sites runs the risk of false advertising (a friend of mine went on a date with someone who posted an old picture of herself and was about 40 pounds heavier when they finally met in person), but the same could be said for people you meet by chance in public who lie about their values and interests.
Therefore, I also agree with yuliya.krol in the assertion that there will not be “virtual marriages” and “virtual spouses” in the future. There is no way you can mimic the physical and emotional intimacy of a relationship through a computer program.
I think this whole online dating and marriage is taking it way to far. There is no way that anyone can feel any chemistry for someone when they meet them online, There is no way that you can truly know who a person is by meeting them online. What ever happened to going out and meeting new people, flirting, giving someone the “eye” to let them know that you like them, you cannot possibly have that through online dating. You have to feel something for someone, not just match your compatibilities through the ridiculous questions they ask on these dating sites like how much money do you make and what do you do in your free time. I mean come on now. the whole “i like to take long walks on the beach” is not reality. I agree with the person above who said that you can meet anyone anywhere. You can feel an attraction to someone without knowing all the little things, after you start dating and talking is when you can figure out if they are truly right for you. Not to mention that internet dating isn’t always so safe. Everyone needs to be normal social beings and go out and eventually they can meet the right person. Internet dating should be a last option.