While people are so focused on their situations and the way they are affected by others, they often overlook the great influence they have on other people. When Vanessa Bonds had to ask people to fill out a survey in Penn Station, she was worried she would get a large number of rejections. To her surprise, more people took the survey than she expected. The reason for this was that she originally viewed the interaction from her own perspective and insecurities, but she did not realize the people she was asking were also being put in a pressuring situation. She explains that people are often unaware of the power they have over others.
Bonds conducted several studies; she had students ask strangers to fill out a survey, to borrow their phone and to donate money to a charity. An overwhelming amount of people agreed to help because they did not want object to it. This could be seen as a positive phenomenon because confrontation and the unwillingness to decline someone can make people more benevolent. However, another experiment conducted by Bonds shows that this phenomenon goes both ways and can cause people to do something immoral or illegal.
This awareness of the influence one has over another can explain the results of Milgram’s Shock Experiment. In this experiment, conducted by Stanley Milgram, the experimenter urges a volunteer to shock another person upon getting an answer to a memory test wrong. Although the volunteer felt uncomfortable and reluctant to shock the other person, he went along in doing it. The anxiety people have to refuse and confront others leaves each person being more powerful than one realizes because everyone has strong influences over one another.
Like most people going through similar experiences, I was devastated to hear I would be attending college from my house. I was jealous of my friends who were starting their college life on campuses and with other friends. So, when speaking to my friend attending a campus school prior to the school year, I only had my worries and difficulties in mind. In order to ease my mind and make myself feel better, I started to list all the advantages I have by staying home. What I had not realized at the time was that my list of advantages had caused my friend’s anxiety over leaving his house to grow. My friend was looking forward to college but could not help but feel fearful over this big change in his life. Something I learned over this interaction is that we are so focused on ourselves that we are blind to see that other people have their own worries and problems.
I felt like you summed up the podcast very well, mentioning the different experiments they performed, along with the results from them. I found it compelling how you mentioned attending school from home. I’ve also had that same situation of some friends going to college in person, and I expressed how much I wish I could do that as well. I never stopped to think about how they might be feeling, their anxiety and stress towards moving out of their home and into a new environment.
I too had the same problems when I saw all of my friends get to leave and go experience college on the campus. But obviously there is pros and cons for every situation because yes I would love to be dorming so Im close to campus but not having to spend 10 grand is not a negative.
I am really glad that you got me thinking after saying that the little pressure could be a positive thing and result in people bringing out their benevolence more easily. Many of the posts I’ve read saw influence and that environment of awkwardness and pressure solely as a negative thing, but pressure and strange moments like what the strangers in the subways were experiencing can make them stronger when they encounter that situation again.