One of the main points the podcast emphasized was that people are often oblivious to the power they have over others. Often, people are too focused on their own anxieties that they overlook the power and influence they have over strangers. Instead, they focus on their own fear of rejection, when in reality the people that are on the receiving side are the ones who find it hard to say no. It connects to the idea of egocentric bias, where people are so concerned with their own perceptions that they aren’t able to see something from the point of view of the other person.

These points are exemplified in multiple scenarios, one being a research study done by Vanessa Bohns. Vanessa Bohns conducted multiple studies to prove that people have more power than they think they do.  One of the main studies is where she had participants go up to people on the street and ask them if they could borrow their phone to make a phone call. Beforehand, she asked the participants how many people they thought they would need to ask in order to get three people to say yes, and the participants said more than ten. Turns out, the participants only needed to ask around six people because when they asked people to use their phones, the other person felt it was hard to say no, so they agreed to let the person make a phone call anyway. By saying no, that person would feel more uncomfortable than they already are, so they would rather agree and have the other person quickly make a phone call over rejecting them altogether.

The fear of rejecting someone or getting rejected is such a prominent thought in people’s minds as they are experiencing situations like Bohns’s experiment that they allow the person in the opposite position (the participant) to have power and influence over them. On the other hand, the participants were focusing too much on their own anxieties and fear of rejection that they did not think people would agree to their request.  The participants did not realize how much power they had over strangers by putting them on the spot, having people fear rejecting them, which ultimately ended with them getting what they were asking for.

One situation that comes to mind of someone saying something to me was during a fourth-grade class debate. There were about four or five people playing different historical figures and had to state their case for why their figure had the most impact on America. I remember at the end of the class, everyone who wasn’t playing a character had to vote on who they thought had the most impact. I can’t remember what figure I voted for, but one of my friends was representing them. I remember afterwards someone coming up to me and saying that the only reason I voted for that figure was because my friend was playing them. I don’t know why that comment had a lasting impact on me, but I think it is because I felt this person was insulting my intelligence. I remember picking that historical figure because I thought they had the best argument, but for someone to say that to me made it seem like I didn’t listen to any of the other arguments, and that I only voted based on which classmates I was friends with.