The podcast, The Influence You Have: Why We Fail To See Our Power Over Others, primarily narrated by Shankar Vedantam, argues that our impact on others is greater than we realize by describing the process and results of multiple studies which tested the response of individuals to various requests under various circumstances. Vedantam discussed this matter mostly with psychologist Vanessa Bohns. Bohns describes many experiments examining this topic which she had been a part of over the years. Bohns explains that she was prompted to explore this topic after asking why everyone focussed on the perspective of the volunteer yet no one associated with the experimenter in Stanley Milgram’s famous study. Bohns reasons that “we all instinctively know what it feels like to have other people put us in uncomfortable situations.” Vedantam adds that we all know what it is like to be annoyed by a loud family at a restaurant or to share the road with an aggressive driver. He blames this on the egocentric bias which is the tendency for people to only consider their own perspective as opposed to putting themselves in the shoes of others. We are more instantly aware and familiar of how others impact us as individuals rather than how we impact others because we experience the world through our own bodies and our own perspectives, no one else’s. Bohns says that herself and all her students did not expect the majority of people to willingly comply with their requests to spontaneously participate in surveys, lend use of their cellphones, and vandalize library books. However, the majority of subjects complied because they were put in an awkward situation where rejecting the request assumably was a more uncomfortable outcome for the subjects than complying. Yet the students making these requests were so focused on their own fear of rejection that they failed to consider the subjects plausible fear of disappointing or presenting a negative image of themselves to the requester. It is through the description of many studies and various examples of every-day situations that the podcast claims people are so focused on how others make them feel that they neglect to consider their impact on others.

When I was in the fifth grade, I wrote a letter to my mother which she interpreted in a way I did not intend or anticipate. At my elementary school it was a tradition for the entire fifth grade class to go on a two or three day trip called Nature’s Classroom. Everyone looks forward to this trip because it is supposed to be a really fun special time for the graduating class. I was very eager to participate in this event yet my mother did not want me to go because she did not want me to get injured during the trip which would inevitably interfere with my ballet training. My mother stressed to me that my focus must be school and ballet, but for just a few measly days I wanted to be a regular kid, have fun with my friends, and participate in Nature’s Classroom with all the other kids. I felt it was unjust for her to deprive me of this experience so I decided to write her a letter explaining my perspective since all discussions with her on this topic did not end in my favor. Through this letter, I meant for my mother to gain a better understanding of how I felt and hopefully realize that I am deserving of a few days off to have fun with my friends. However, my mother interpreted this letter as an attack on her parenting. She was so hurt by my letter that she even still brings it up on occasion today. As a child, I did not realize that parents could ever question or doubt their parenting abilities and that having your own child criticize you could actually be very hurtful. I was so focused on my own feelings about the situation and expressing them to my mother that I failed to consider how my words could impact her personally. After this my mother did allow me to go to Nature’s Classroom (but at what cost? ????). From this experience I can infer that people are very driven by their own personal agenda when it comes to interaction with others. Whether it be to acquire access to something or to present themselves in a positive light to others or to maintain their own peace of mind, people act in whatever manner they believe will help them achieve the most comfortable and/or desirable outcome for themselves.