The podcast argues that people often underestimate the influence they have on others because they only think about how the interaction affects themselves. The fear of rejection and awkwardness petrifies people into believing they can be far less influential than they actually can be. As an example from the podcast, a graduate student who was tasked to get people in Penn Station to fill out a questionnaire found themselves unable to complete the assignment due to fear. “It was a really sort of palpable fear that they were going to reject me or worse, right, say something mean. I don’t even know what, but I expected them to say something terrible.” Although she ended up getting many people to agree to the questionnaire, the student believed that she was the only one who was feeling nervous, and that the majority of people she interacted with would swiftly reject her without a second thought.
However, what the student didn’t consider was that the person she was interacting with was also human. Some time after her experience in Penn Station, she reflected on how the people she interacted with must have felt. ” She hadn’t seen the encounters through the point of view of the people she was asking for help. From their perspective, an anxious young woman was asking for something trivial. They had to weigh whether to put aside what they were doing and help her for a few minutes. If they said no, it could make them look like jerks.” She realized how the other person must’ve also felt equally nervous, and scared that the student asking them for their help would judge them for refusing to help. People’s egocentricity makes them unable to see the situation from perspectives other than their own. This leads them to see people attempting to influence them as infallible, making it much harder for them to refuse instructions.
I remember some years ago ago I was talking to a friend about homework, and I joked that it was gonna give me a heart attack. I noticed her mood worsened right after I said that, and I asked what was wrong. She told me that a family member had passed away from a heart attack, and my joke brought up some bad memories. I had no idea. I apologized for what I said and comforted her, and thankfully she felt better afterwards. I learned how bringing up certain topics can be triggering for lots of people, even if you don’t realize it at first. Even mentioning someone’s triggers can flare up past trauma that person has experienced. Because of that experience, I’m a lot more careful now with bringing up topics that might trigger someone, and to this day I make sure to never mention heart attacks around that friend.
Hi Renee! I was in a similar situation but instead it was the reverse. A friend of mine had made a comment about someone else and it triggered me because it was something that I was insecure about. I never told my friend that it bothered me so she was clueless about how I felt. I believe its hard to know if someone will get triggered by something you say without knowing that persons triggers. Almost anything and everything can be someones trigger and you’ll never know unless they had a conversation with you about it. Only thing you can do is apologize and learn from the mistake.
I can relate with your experience. Once I told my friend a joke and called her a word I didn’t even fully know the meaning of. She took it personal and wouldn’t talk to me after. I told her she was overreacting and that it was only a joke. Once she told me the meaning of the word I apologized and since then am carefully with the jokes I say to her.