For many centuries the role of women in a society has been a topic of intense and often grim debates. In the majority of the world women’s rights seem to be accepted and enforced. However, according to the recent article, “For Afghan Wives, a Desperate, Fiery Way Out” by Alissa J Rubin, the conditions of Afghan women have not improved much since the times of Ban Zhao. On the contrary, they might have worsened.
According to the Chinese tradition described in Ban Zhao’s Lessons for Women, on the third day of her birth a girl has to be placed below the bed; then, she is given a potsherd to play with. This practice reinforces the ordinary way of life in China according to which a woman is “lowly and weak, and should regard it her primary duty to humble herself before others” (B: 27). Similarly, “the choices for Afghan women are extraordinarily restricted” (Rubin, 2010). Their fate is decided in childhood and decreed by prearranged marriages. They do not have a chance for education, and the only role they play in the house is serving their husbands’ families.
Ban Zhao also teaches a girl to “put others first, herself last” (B: 27). According to the Lessons for Women, “a wife cannot leave a husband’s home” (B: 30) even if “others speak or do evil to her” (B: 28). Therefore, a woman has to endure abuses and be wholeheartedly devoted to her husband. In addition, in order to gain the love of her husband, a woman has to win the love of her parents-, brothers-, and sisters-in-laws. So, a good wife cannot disobey or contradict her in-laws; on the contrary, she is obliged to sacrifice her opinion and submit unfailingly to the command. In the same manner, women of Afghanistan are often chided, abused, and beaten by their husbands, family members and in-laws. A woman is unable to leave a husband’s house either, because she might “be raped or put in jail and then sent home” (Rubin, 2010) to be shot, stabbed or stoned to death in honor killings.
Ban Zhao says that “by failure in good manners in other families [a woman] will humiliate both … ancestors and … clan” (B: 27). Many Afghan women feel the same way, because “it is shameful here to admit to troubles at home” (Rubin, 2010), and divorce will put a mark on the name of the family. That is why the only escape from poverty, abuses, and forced marriages that Afghan women see is to commit suicide by burning themselves alive.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/08/world/asia/08burn.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp
Alena, your identification of the factor of shame and humiliation both in Ban Zhao’s text and in the NY Times article is very perceptive.