Lesson for Women written by Ban Zhao is a set of rules given by a mother to her daughters and all the female family members. This text describes the role and duties of women in China around c. 100. The author divides the work into seven sections including: Humility, Husband and Wife, Respect and Caution, Womanly Qualifications, Wholehearted Devotion, Implicit Obedience, and Harmony with Younger Brothers-and Sisters-in-law.
First of all, all the women should learn how to be humble. They supposed to value family’s needs more than their own. They “retire late to bed, but rise early to duties” (B, 28). Even if they work really hard to clean, cook, serve food, and take care about children, they shouldn’t feel proud about themselves and tell anybody about their hard work. Women gain excellent reputations only if they stay humble, do all work they are expected to do and never argue with their relatives.
Also, the husband takes control over his wife. She is not only the housekeeper and babysitter but also a sex servant at home. Only one “thing” a man possess, no matter of his social status, is his wife and her services. So she can’t refuse to do her marriage duties. The control man takes over her is a sign of authority and lack of it can be seen as a lost of power for a man. “…wives must be controlled and that the husband’s roles of conduct manifesting his authority must be established” (B, 28).
In addition, since man and woman have different characters, their roles are also different. A man is valued by his strength while a woman is valued mostly by her beauty and gentleness. Respect between the wife and husband is mandatory in order to create a good couple. Even if “[t]he correct relationship between husband and wife is based upon harmony and intimacy, and conjugal love is grounded in proper union” husband is permitted to beat his wife. (B, 29)
Additionally, there are many qualifications which describe proper behavior of all women. First, woman words don’t need to be clear and clever. She just needs to choose her words with a special attention and care and avoid improper languages. Second, she needs to keep her head and body clean and fresh. Her clothes should be washed with special care and always be in good condition. Third, wife supposes to cook and serve not only for family but also all guests who visit the house. Last, there is an image of a woman who can’t survive without a relationship with a man.
Moreover, even if a husband can remarry, there is no permission for a wife to do so. Woman is strongly depended on her husband “[t]o obtain the love of one man is the crown of a woman’s life; to lose the love of one man is to miss the aim in woman’s life” (B, 30). Also, ladies can’t flirt with men or use other methods to be close to them. They can’t even make groups with other ladies and discuss different aspect or laugh as well.
Last but not least, wife has to stay in good relationship with her husband’s family. If the mother-in-law says something the wife can’t criticize her and can’t do anything against her. Even if the directions are wrong, wife can’t ignore them. Also, she has to keep good relationship with her brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law. It can be extremely helpful in order to stay in good mental condition and make life at home less complicated and sustainable. “[T]he praise and the blame of a woman alike depends upon younger brother-and sister-in law (B, 31).” In some cases family-in-law can banish the wife which cause many trouble in her life.
Similarly, the article “For Afghan Wives, a Desperate, Fiery Way Out” by Alissa J. Rubin is about marginalization of the woman’s role in the society. As the author mentioned, arranged marriages are very popular in Afghanistan. Girls get married mostly in their childhood or as teenagers. Their main duties are to cook, clean, serve, take care about the children and husband’s family members. Very often, wives are abused by their husbands or husband’s family. “Violence in the lives of Afghanistan’s women comes from everywhere: from her father or brother, from her husband, from her father-in-law, from her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.” It leads to depression of the woman and in extremely cases can also lead to suicide by placing themselves into a fire.
You don’t spell out the connections between “A Fiery Way Out” and Ban Zhao’s “Lessons for Women” — written about 2000 years before the events described in the Times article — but you don’t need to. They are all too clear. Well done, Kinga.