Darmok

There are times in life when one feels as if there is no way out of a situation.  They feel helpless, and have lost hope in their life entirely.  Situations like these are what lead to suicide as a way of escape from their problems.  In Afghanistan women are very oppressed and treated in a very cruel way by their government and their family. In order to escape this oppression the women set themselves on fire using lighter fluid and a match.  For women in Afghanistan they have no release from their family.  They cannot runaway in order to escape the cruelty so they must endure this hardship.  The NY Times article states, “Returned runaways are often shot or stabbed in honor killings because the families fear they have spent time unchaperoned with a man.”

The situation is similar the environment during the time of The Pillowbook written by Sei Shonagon.  During this time women were not given the freedom to express themselves and were oppressed just as present day Afghanistan.  By writing The Pillowbook, Shonagon found her outlet to express herself in a oppressive society.  Although less harmful than burning yourself, society still condemned the act which is why her diary was not meant to be public nor did she wish for it to be. She says, “when I have a good deal of time to myself and thought no one would notice what I was doing.” (p 258)

Women during both of these times are oppressed and restricted from expression.  However, it is impossible to keep feeling bottled up inside forever and so when the feelings must come out, they can either be done in a very harmful way such as suicide or in a constructive way such as writing a diary.

Fiery way out

The New York Times article “Sprawling Cinema, Tamed to a Stage” by Charles Isherwood is a theatre review of a play “Throne of Blood.” The author of the article dislikes the play and critiques both the director and the actors performing on the stage. He says “…a new production from the Next Wave Festival at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, would be as boring to look at as it is to listen to.” He also comperes the play with the film “Throne of Blood” made by Japanese move maker Akira Kurosawa. He states that even if the play is boring and static, the movie has a specific “atmospheric effect.” Also, it is “beautifully designed” and “offer[s] an eyeful of visual poetry.” I partially agree with Charles Isherwood. The play is very static and motionless which makes viewers a little bit bored. Also, the accessories used for decoration are very limited. However, actors’ costumes are chosen with good taste and harmony. The minimalism of action and accessories; however, keeps audiences focused on the play. In addition, the play takes viewers to different world; world full of magic creatures such as ghosts, world full of intrigues such as killing the king, world full of unfamiliar creatures such as samurais. It gives the audiences great opportunity to experience magical world and it is a good way of entertainment. And the most important, it forces people to think and decide if they believe that they are the masters of their own lives or if they are just powerless creatures directed by destiny.

Lesson for Women written by Ban Zhao is a set of rules given by a mother to her daughters and all the female family members. This text describes the role and duties of women in China around c. 100. The author divides the work into seven sections including: Humility, Husband and Wife, Respect and Caution, Womanly Qualifications, Wholehearted Devotion, Implicit Obedience, and Harmony with Younger Brothers-and Sisters-in-law.

First of all, all the women should learn how to be humble. They supposed to value family’s needs more than their own. They “retire late to bed, but rise early to duties” (B, 28). Even if they work really hard to clean, cook, serve food, and take care about children, they shouldn’t feel proud about themselves and tell anybody about their hard work. Women gain excellent reputations only if they stay humble, do all work they are expected to do and never argue with their relatives.

Also, the husband takes control over his wife. She is not only the housekeeper and babysitter but also a sex servant at home. Only one “thing” a man possess, no matter of his social status, is his wife and her services. So she can’t refuse to do her marriage duties. The control man takes over her is a sign of authority and lack of it can be seen as a lost of power for a man. “…wives must be controlled and that the husband’s roles of conduct manifesting his authority must be established” (B, 28).

In addition, since man and woman have different characters, their roles are also different. A man is valued by his strength while a woman is valued mostly by her beauty and gentleness. Respect between the wife and husband is mandatory in order to create a good couple. Even if “[t]he correct relationship between husband and wife is based upon harmony and intimacy, and conjugal love is grounded in proper union” husband is permitted to beat his wife. (B, 29)

Additionally, there are many qualifications which describe proper behavior of all women. First, woman words don’t need to be clear and clever. She just needs to choose her words with a special attention and care and avoid improper languages. Second, she needs to keep her head and body clean and fresh. Her clothes should be washed with special care and always be in good condition. Third, wife supposes to cook and serve not only for family but also all guests who visit the house. Last, there is an image of a woman who can’t survive without a relationship with a man.

Moreover, even if a husband can remarry, there is no permission for a wife to do so. Woman is strongly depended on her husband “[t]o obtain the love of one man is the crown of a woman’s life; to lose the love of one man is to miss the aim in woman’s life” (B, 30). Also, ladies can’t flirt with men or use other methods to be close to them. They can’t even make groups with other ladies and discuss different aspect or laugh as well.

Last but not least, wife has to stay in good relationship with her husband’s family. If the mother-in-law says something the wife can’t criticize her and can’t do anything against her. Even if the directions are wrong, wife can’t ignore them. Also, she has to keep good relationship with her brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law. It can be extremely helpful in order to stay in good mental condition and make life at home less complicated and sustainable. “[T]he praise and the blame of a woman alike depends upon younger brother-and sister-in law (B, 31).” In some cases family-in-law can banish the wife which cause many trouble in her life.

Similarly, the article “For Afghan Wives, a Desperate, Fiery Way Out” by Alissa J. Rubin is about marginalization of the woman’s role in the society. As the author mentioned, arranged marriages are very popular in Afghanistan. Girls get married mostly in their childhood or as teenagers. Their main duties are to cook, clean, serve, take care about the children and husband’s family members. Very often, wives are abused by their husbands or husband’s family. “Violence in the lives of Afghanistan’s women comes from everywhere: from her father or brother, from her husband, from her father-in-law, from her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.” It leads to depression of the woman and in extremely cases can also lead to suicide by placing themselves into a fire.

Lessons for Women is written by Ban Zhao. It originates from China in around c.90 and consider as the oldest female conduct book. It is written for, as claims, her female family’s members. But many people insist that it is written towards all the women living in that era. The main idea of this book is to teach all the women, especially wives how to behave in the family. She includes these ideas by organizing the texts into seven different segments: Humility, Husband and wife, Respect and Caution, Womanly Qualifications Wholehearted Devotion, Implicit Obedience, Harmony with Younger Brothers-and Sister-in-law.

Women are bound to follow traditional rules and regulations. They are to take care and all the household chores. Besides they need to be very respectful to their husband, “Let a Women be correct in manner and upright in character in order to serve her husband” (B, 28). Women should behave really carefully when they are around their husbands. If they disobey their rules they may get beat up. “If husbands stop not of anger, then they are certain to beat their wives” (B, 29). Unfortunately, they don’t have rights to protest when they are treated harshly. Furthermore, she stays in full control by their husband. “…wives must be controlled and that the husband’s rules of conduct manifesting his authority must be established” (B, 28). They are supposed to be humble and show always show respects to their elders. Man can be remarried; however, a woman cannot. In fact, they aren’t permitted to leave from husband’s home because it is considered as heaven, as people cannot run away from heaven anyway. Mother-in-laws also control their life by telling them what to do and what not to do. They must obey all the rules provide by their mother-in-laws without a question of what is fair or not. “Do that even if what she says is wrong” (B30). These helpless women follow whatever their mother-in-law says in order to gain the love from their husbands. “She must win for herself the love of her parents-in-law.” If they want to live in their husband’s house, they must be obedient to all these commands.

New York Times article “For Afghan Wives, a Desperate, Fiery Way Out” written by Alissa J. Rubin talks about the miserable life conditions of women. This article shows many similarities about the situation of women. Child marriage is very likely in Afghanistan. Besides, they have to do all the household chores, take care of their children and the whole family. They often get beat up by their husband’s. In addition, they have to be obedient to their elders specially their parents-laws. Farzana, married at the age of 12, often get beat up by her husband and abused by his family members. Once her father-in-law becomes very angry at her and challenges her to burn herself, a task that she is unable to do. This belittlement makes her angry and she burns herself. ‘“I felt so sad and such pain in my heart and I felt very angry at my husband and my father- and mother-in-law, and then I took the matches and lit myself,” she said.”’ She takes the challenge and burns herself to prove that she has guts. In addition, she desperately tries to escape from her situation.