Nostalgia (Isabelle Wityk)

I’m not very good at adapting to change, sure I do it- everyone does, but I’m not good at it. I tend to cling to the past, suffering from nostalgia every day until I’m comfortable enough to focus on the present. This has happened many times; usually brief like a friend leaving town, or coming home from vacation- these nostalgia trips last about a week or so, not to bad and not that hard to deal with. However I’ve had much bigger ones, big nostalgia ruts I get stuck in. When I went from middle school to high school, it took me two years to get over my missed middle school. That’s half the time I was in high school, which is funny now that I think about missing high school.  I don’t know why I’m so bad at accepting change, it’s inevitable, and we all deal with it on a daily basis. Every decision we have made follows us for better or for worse, and I’m at the age where it should be easy to move on, “when one door closes another one opens” mentality.  But for some reason, I have yet to learn. I am stubborn, I know time moves- I just don’t like how quickly it goes, how am I in college already, let alone an adult. I feel like I’m so young and so old at the same time, and I don’t know if I never want to grow up, or if I would like to be a “grown up” so things won’t change so often. Regardless I’m here now, at Baruch- the only city I said I wouldn’t be in for college. I have nothing against New York, I actually adore it- but I never wanted to stay home for school.  I told myself that I would go as far away as possible, in my head that was very easy, in reality there’s so much more that goes into making a decision like that. Money became my drive, is it worth spending 20,000 a year to go to a public state school? Be in debt before my life begins? But then again, is it worth missing out of the “experience”, just to save some money? I couldn’t tell you, I still don’t know. I’m just stuck here, afraid to leave and afraid to stay, hating living at home and missing my high school. Stuck in this nostalgia bubble- unable to move on mentally, although my life feels like it is physically moving at the speed of sound. I wish I could cut and paste time frames, where I wanted. 24 hours in a day is enough, but I would like to put it in order my own way. Does that make sense?