So far, the revision to this paper seems easier than our first paper assignment. It may be the topic that makes it seem easier, since it is more deep and serious. In the first paper I’m writing about dessert, while in the second paper I’m writing about a man’s salvation from a dangerous life. It’s a close call, but I think saving a man’s life is more important than chocolate. Anyway, I am starting my revision with my thesis, since the body of my paper formulates around that one piece of important information. After reading it, I realize that I did not answer the “so what?” question. Yes, I stated that Baldwin’s life was changed because of his religion, but I did not say why that is important or really how it changed him.
The comments that are written on my paper are very helpful to reaching my complete thesis. I would like to say that the Church helps him find his true happiness and sense of self. He found his identity when he found his faith. I do not know, however, if this is specific enough. I remember Professor Kaufman stating why he wrote this piece, which involves finding himself as well as his true sexuality. Should I mention this part in the thesis? Should this be the main point of my thesis? I am not sure about that. This is the main problem I am having with my paper. The few other parts I have to emphasize can be easily done after I figure out my correct thesis, since those pieces of my paper connects and proves my thesis. So far, I think (and hope) the paper isn’t too bad, but I know it isn’t complete. And that slightly irritates me. Bah!