Retrace Backwards

 

I‌ ‌was‌ ‌not‌ ‌always‌ ‌a‌ ‌confident‌ ‌writer.‌ ‌I‌ ‌always‌ ‌thought‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌much‌ ‌more‌ ‌confident‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ mathematics‌ ‌field.‌ ‌My‌ ‌journey‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌writer‌ ‌starts‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌late,‌ ‌it‌ ‌wasn’t‌ ‌until‌ ‌my‌ ‌junior‌ ‌of‌ ‌high‌ school‌ ‌where‌ ‌I‌ ‌found‌ ‌my‌ ‌real‌ ‌passion‌ ‌for‌ ‌writing.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌during‌ ‌the‌ ‌time‌ ‌where‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌to‌ ‌prepare‌ ‌a‌ college‌ ‌essay‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌admissions‌ ‌process.‌ ‌During‌ ‌this‌ ‌process,‌ ‌I‌ ‌went‌ ‌through‌ ‌two‌ ‌different‌ essays.‌ ‌The‌ ‌first‌ ‌essay‌ ‌I‌ ‌wrote‌ ‌was‌ ‌short,‌ ‌boring,‌ ‌and‌ ‌cliche.‌ ‌I‌ ‌only‌ ‌brought‌ ‌up‌ ‌my‌ ‌family,‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ had‌ ‌no‌ ‌context‌ ‌about‌ ‌myself‌ ‌like‌ ‌the‌ ‌colleges‌ ‌wanted.‌ ‌I‌ ‌knew‌ ‌I‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌something‌ ‌different.‌ While‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌writing‌ ‌my‌ ‌second‌ ‌version‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌college‌ ‌essay,‌ ‌I‌ ‌thought‌ ‌about‌ ‌how‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ separate‌ ‌my‌ ‌life‌ ‌into‌ ‌different‌ ‌portions.‌ ‌My‌ ‌childhood,‌ ‌my‌ ‌upbringing,‌ ‌and‌ ‌my‌ ‌future.‌  
 
I‌ ‌thought‌ ‌about‌ ‌each‌ ‌part‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌life,‌ ‌and‌ ‌how‌ ‌they‌ ‌affected‌ ‌me.‌ ‌I‌ ‌saw‌ ‌my‌ ‌childhood‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ utopia,‌ ‌where‌ ‌things‌ ‌were‌ ‌amazing,‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌completely‌ ‌happy.‌ ‌My‌ ‌upbringing‌ ‌was‌ ‌a‌ ‌dystopia,‌ where‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌constantly‌ ‌at‌ ‌a‌ ‌harsh‌ ‌battle‌ ‌with‌ ‌myself,‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌things‌ ‌around‌ ‌me.‌ ‌Finally,‌ ‌I‌ ‌see‌ ‌my‌ future‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌neutropia.‌ ‌This‌ ‌is‌ ‌the‌ ‌time‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌life‌ ‌where‌ ‌both‌ ‌the‌ ‌good‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌bad‌ ‌come‌ ‌together‌ to‌ ‌become‌ ‌one.‌ ‌While‌ ‌writing‌ ‌this,‌ ‌my‌ ‌imagination‌ ‌ran‌ ‌wild.‌ ‌This‌ ‌was‌ ‌when‌ ‌I‌ ‌knew‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌a‌ ‌true‌ passion‌ ‌for‌ ‌writing,‌ ‌and‌ ‌letting‌ ‌my‌ ‌words‌ ‌on‌ ‌paper‌ ‌fuel‌ ‌my‌ ‌imagination.‌ ‌I‌ ‌asked‌ ‌my‌ ‌friends‌ ‌and‌ my‌ ‌peers‌ ‌to‌ ‌review‌ ‌my‌ ‌writing‌ ‌and‌ ‌they‌ ‌were‌ ‌all‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌impressed‌ ‌with‌ ‌it.‌ ‌There’s‌ ‌just‌ ‌this‌ ‌feeling‌ you‌ ‌get‌ ‌when‌ ‌you‌ ‌just‌ ‌know‌ ‌you’ve‌ ‌written‌ ‌something‌ ‌amazing.‌ 
 
I‌ ‌was‌ ‌extremely‌ ‌proud‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌work‌ ‌and‌ ‌I‌ ‌felt‌ ‌so‌ ‌satisfied‌ ‌when‌ ‌I‌ ‌finally‌ ‌submitted‌ ‌my‌ ‌work‌ to‌ ‌my‌ ‌colleges.‌ ‌I‌ ‌can‌ ‌tell‌ ‌that‌ ‌my‌ ‌colleges‌ ‌felt‌ ‌the‌ ‌same‌ ‌way‌ ‌about‌ ‌my‌ ‌writing‌ ‌because‌ ‌although‌ my‌ ‌grades‌ ‌were‌ ‌shabby,‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌accepted‌ ‌to‌ ‌basically‌ ‌all‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌ones‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌applied‌ ‌to.‌ ‌Throughout‌ this‌ ‌process,‌ ‌I‌ ‌learned‌ ‌that‌ ‌if‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌confident‌ ‌about‌ ‌my‌ ‌writing,‌ ‌it’ll‌ ‌translate‌ ‌onto‌ ‌the‌ ‌paper‌ ‌and‌ cause‌ ‌my‌ ‌writing‌ ‌to‌ ‌have‌ ‌a‌ ‌lot‌ ‌more‌ ‌meaning.‌ ‌This‌ ‌essentially‌ ‌pushed‌ ‌me‌ onto‌ ‌loving‌ ‌writing‌ and‌ ‌becoming‌ ‌a‌ ‌much‌ ‌better‌ ‌writer.‌  
Thinking‌ ‌back,‌ ‌there‌ ‌were‌ ‌many‌ ‌more‌ ‌experiences‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌where‌ ‌I‌ ‌saw‌ ‌how‌ ‌much‌ ‌I‌ loved‌ ‌writing.‌ ‌Back‌ ‌in‌ ‌middle‌ ‌school,‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌written‌ ‌a‌ ‌poem,‌ ‌and‌ ‌it‌ ‌was‌ ‌one‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌proud‌ ‌of.‌ ‌It‌ was‌ ‌a‌ ‌poem‌ ‌about‌ ‌the‌ ‌importance‌ ‌of‌ ‌family.‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌never‌ ‌really‌ ‌praised‌ ‌that‌ ‌much‌ ‌on‌ ‌my‌ ‌writing since‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌more‌ ‌of‌ ‌a‌ ‌math‌ ‌guy,‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌this‌ being‌ ‌one‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌first‌ ‌times‌ ‌that‌ ‌my‌ ‌teacher‌ ‌ was‌ ‌impressed‌ ‌with‌ ‌my‌ ‌writing.‌ ‌Being‌ ‌able‌ ‌to‌ ‌write‌ ‌about‌ ‌things‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌hold‌ ‌close‌ ‌to‌ ‌myself‌ ‌is‌ ‌really‌ ‌important‌ ‌to‌ ‌me‌ ‌because‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌one‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌few‌ ‌ways‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌can‌ ‌express‌ ‌myself.‌ 
 
All‌ ‌in‌ ‌all,‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌never‌ ‌really‌ ‌the‌ ‌best‌ ‌writer‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌world,‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌always‌ ‌enjoyed‌ ‌writing‌ about‌ ‌emotional‌ ‌things‌ ‌and‌ ‌things‌ ‌that‌ ‌required‌ ‌you‌ ‌to‌ ‌dig‌ ‌deeper‌ ‌into‌ ‌your‌ ‌mind.‌ ‌Family‌ ‌and‌ ‌friendships‌ ‌are‌ ‌two‌ ‌of‌ ‌my‌ ‌favorite‌ ‌topics‌ ‌to‌ ‌write‌ ‌about.‌ ‌Going‌ ‌forward,‌ ‌I‌ ‌plan‌ ‌to‌ ‌become‌ ‌a‌ ‌stronger‌ ‌writer‌ ‌and‌ ‌somehow‌ ‌manage‌ ‌to‌ ‌express‌ ‌my‌ ‌feelings‌ ‌with‌ ‌different‌ ‌styles‌ ‌of‌ ‌writing.‌ 
Something‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌look‌ ‌forward‌ ‌to‌ ‌is‌ ‌writing‌ ‌more‌ ‌poems‌ ‌and‌ ‌stories.‌