Review and respond to my various Hypothes.is comments about (relatively minor, but meaningful) concerns of clarity in the essay.
Addressed comments: (Here are some of the edits)
“From drug dealers to human trafficking to ecommerce, the encrypted network called the dark web has it all.” -Changed the first sentence to show what the dark web is.
“However, all hope of freeing Ulbricht was lost when the Supreme Court rejected to hear his case.”
“These data breaches are also made possible through the dark web, where many hackers look to steal health care credentials. One of the many hackers reportedly stole information from four U.S healthcare organizations.”
“ Hackers will provide the login credentials and make profit by charging people these one time fees.”
“To protect against the dark web, the most obvious solution would be to not use it at all, but sometimes individuals need to use the dark web to remain anonymous as they leak valuable information on the government or powerful organizations.”
Consider your sourcing- in particular, your use of signal phrasing and quote/source integration patterns (which are at time repetitive). I’ve made note of a few moments where you need to be transparent about the origin of your claim/evidence.
Here are some of the new signal phrases I’ve used:
“As Marinoff observed”
“From there, a Government Accountability Office report warns”
“Nathaniel Popper addresses”
“Ghappour highlights”
Offer suggestion as to how your research might inform a topically relevant cultural artifact.
I already wrote about this at the bottom, under my sources.