I grew up in the crappiest apartment in Brooklyn, in which had all sorts of rodents and insects, deteriorating floor boards, and broken walls, with a family of angry people. But it wasn’t always that way…
My family used to be “happy.” Although I am too young to remember, I’m sure those times were there. My mom told me of those glorious days. What I do remember is my parents arguing in the middle of the night, waking my brother and me up.
So as you would imagine, I always wanted to escape. I never wanted to be home. So I always stayed around the block with all the neighborhood kids. I was the only Chinese girl on the block that socialized, so they picked on me. Individually, they’d pretend to be my friend, but when I wasn’t around, they’d talk about me and plot ways to start fights with me. By the time I was in fifth grade, I “fought” the same girl three times. And after every fight, I wouldn’t speak to that girl, but she kept insisting to talk to me, because we took the bus together…
But as I grew older, I understood the meaning of using someone. I learned that she was using me… so I stopped talking to her, tried to distance myself. I developed a very strong personality from doing so.
Throughout my childhood, my parents were always angry at one another. My mom was angry because my dad kept gambling. My dad was angry because my mom was angry. As they argued, I learned who was “right” and who was “wrong.” My dad would steal money from my mom’s personal bank account, wallet … etc in order to fund his gambling addiction. My mom would be left with the burden of the bills. And when I learned and actually UNDERSTOOD the situation, I vowed never to gamble (except for the occasional scratch cards). I also promised that when I grow up, I would take good care of my mom.
Because of the disgusting place I was living in, I knew I never wanted to put my child, or myself in those living conditions ever again. So I set an ambition for myself, I had to make loads of money in order to live in a nice place – whether it be a BEAUTIFUL, modern apartment or a cozy classic home.
Finally approaching the end of my education, it’s basically crunch time for me. I NEED to do well in order to succeed in the future. If I want that money to take care of my family, and myself, I expect nothing less than great grades.
I’m still not sure whether or not I’m happy to be in Baruch Honors or not. I love being in the honors program, I feel especially privileged amongst the 3000 or 5000 other students here. But, everything feels so mundane. I expected college … slightly differently– more exciting.
I worry constantly about my old habits since high school. IAs of right now, I am certain they still follow me. When I return home, I don’t touch ANY homework. I go on Facebook, Tumblr.. etc. Homework is not a thought in my mind, I feel as though I have none, but in reality… that is not the case. The homework load is slightly more than that of Stuyvesant’s. So, finishing the work is not a problem, it’s the quality of the work that I worry about. I hope to rid myself of these habits…
I also hope to establish a ton of connections that would possibly come of use in the future.
