Emotionally Contradictory

In Erzulie’s Skirt, Micaela had a lengthy and complicated relationship with spirituality. Micaela’s culture, her relationship with the divine, and her developing sense of self are all deeply connected with her dreams and spiritual path. The novel emphasizes the conflict between spiritual fulfillment, personal development, and longing through her experiences. She first learned how to clean the altar where her family worshipped saints from her father when she was a young girl. Her parents couldn’t explain why she was so excited and curious about their spiritual practices as a young child. Having a daughter meant teaching her the “misterios” of life, the spiritual magic that all the women in the family practiced, as her mother understood. She was connected at a young age to her Afro-Caribbean spiritual traditions most especially when it had to do with the veneration of the Iwa (spirits) in Vodou. Although Micela embraces her family’s traditions she doesn’t just passively abide by them without a challenge. Her dreams are a reflection of her desires and are both a cautionary sign and a lens into the emotions evoked. Through her dreams we understand that she ultimately longs for love, healing and a sense of belonging. We know this to be true because she consistently dreams about water and Erzulie. Erzulie or Iwa is the Goddess of the ocean, femininity, sensuality and love. Micaela is forced to face her fears and desires through these dreams despite the  uncomfortable truths being revealed about her relationships. We also get to see how she has to reconcile her inner desires with her external realities. A prime example is how Erzulie represents love. “Her little brother swam next to her, wrapped his hand around her fingers and played in the skirts of her swirling dress. He tapped her shoulder and then ran through the water, daring her to chase him. She ran, catching him with the threads of her dress. She kissed him and together they laughed. Her father called her name from the river’s edge, his whistles awoke her. Her brother’s visits were so special. Whenever he appeared to her in her dreams, she was reminded of the reality of her flesh and blood that so often felt cold and stuff in the maid’s uniform.”(130) In this dream Micaela is embodying Erzulie’s characteristics and becoming the Goddess herself.

She is embracing the different aspects that embody this Goddess both the nurturing and the destructive parts. She is nurturing both in her dream with her brother and with her son in arms. In the dreams whenever he visits her he represents the humanity of Micaela and her connection to her family. Whereas the Goddess is a painful reminder of the sacrifices and betrayals faced by the main character. I am reminded of how Micaela is both scared of the outside world and loving of her son in their home. We see this  in “Recetas Para Los Vivos”, when the officers are knocking doors down looking for Hattians and her neighbor is being dragged out. Micela expresses how she wished to defend the woman who was beaten for crying. She was so upset that Micela wanted to castrate the officer and shoot him.  In this moment we see the destructive side of how Micaela embodies this Goddess, in the same moment she can embody these contradictory emotions of nurturing and loving vs destruction and anger. Micela is forced to reevaluate her understanding of love and to redefine her relationships with herself and those around her. Her longing for a perfect love is repeatedly tested by betrayal and sacrifice. The spiritual encounters she has reveal for us the wisdoms one can receive in dreams and how they can be incorporated into everyday life. 

Source:  Lara, Ana-Mauríne. Erzulíe’s Skirt. RedBone Press, 2006.