Bianca Peterkin
Trust Issues

   I grew up in a family where I learned not to really trust people. My mom always told me as a kid “don't trust no one, not even me”. I took it as a joke because what do you mean by I can't even trust my own mom? She said I'm looking too broad at the statement and not looking at the deeper meaning. She would always tell me stories that happened in Jamaica where even your own family can set you up. As I grew older I understood more and more about what she meant. I tend to give out my trust too easily to people which always gets me in problems or hurt. 
    In elementary school I hung out with the wrong crowd and put my trust in them. They influenced me to do something with them saying “we will never get caught”, and I believed and trusted them. Then the next day the teacher sat us down to have a discussion and told us a phone call will be made home to our parents. Even after that I still trusted them which led to even more problems. Then in middle school I grew a little older but I still made the same mistake of giving my trust easily to people who did not deserve it. As you get older you know to stop telling Mommy and Daddy certain things so I confined in a girl, I called my best friend to tell her what people called secrets but is defined as otherwise in other places (once you tell someone a secret it is not really considered a secret anymore). Me and this girl had many fallouts and every time that we did, rumor had it that my business was being spread like butter on toast. The only person that knew about the information that was being spread was her, so I knew it was her going around telling everybody. It was really personal which I felt hurt by, and it repeated in my head when my mom always told me not to trust people. I even listen to Jamaican music that revolves around not trusting people, but still did the opposite of what the song said as well. Another event occurred during my high school years during Covid. I was really lonely because we were trapped in the house and a lot of situations arose during Covid. There was a family friend that made me feel comfortable enough to tell them anything in the world, so I opened up to them about a situation that was going on that took a toll on me. After some months went by, me and that family friend relationship ended on a bitter note, and out of nowhere my mom and sister were really upset with me one day. All my mom said is you told the family friend something that is only family business, but would not tell me what it was. After that, a million things ran in my head of what I told them, but I did not know what exactly it was that made them so upset with me. After time passed my sister finally sat me down and told me exactly what it was and said you see how you told them your business and they went and spread it and it got brought back to us. I was really hurt because she really pointed out how stupid I was for letting go of such confidential information to someone who seemed trustworthy but was not.

   Therefore, after all these events occurred I am more mindful of who I tell my business to. And I watch out for who does not have my best interest at heart.