Yesenia Barrios
JRN 3060
Professor Johnson
September 19, 2016
“You decided to marry him and made the mistake to get pregnant. Now, it is your issue to make sure he stays with you because I will not help you.” Those were the words Antonieta Morales, 49, heard from her mother as she decided to tell her that her husband was constantly abusing her physically and mentally. It all started in Mexico City, where she lived with her family. She was nineteen years old when a charming man, dressed in his military uniform showed great interest in her.
“He was very romantic. He would show up at my job with flowers and always made sure that I was okay.” Antonieta said.
It was until she turned twenty that he told her they were going to go on a trip, and she never came back home.
“It was very romantic at first, he was always very attentive and although he did not tell me that he wanted us to live together, I liked the idea of creating a home with him.”
But the sweet and romantic moments became less frequent, and the red flags were in Antonieta’s face that she could no longer find any more excuses for him and his hurtful behavior.
Antonieta had her first child with her husband a year after she first moved in with him and it was at this point that he expected her to only be a housewife and a mother. He had a list of expectations from her. If she did not meet these expectations, he would start to verbally attack her by making her feel guilty, bringing her self-esteem down and degrading her in many forms. Many times, Antonieta tried to defend herself but Mario would physically start abusing her.
“He was constantly cheating on me, and he would do it in my face too. At some point, a woman came to our house while my children were there and she asked for him. She started telling him to leave us behind and go live with her.”
I was soon expecting her to tell me that he declined this woman’s offer and gave his wife the place she deserved. That was not the answer I got. Mario stood there as this woman humiliated his wife and let his children witness it all.
You would ask yourself “why did she not just walk away if this was a broken marriage that was tearing her and her children apart?” Psychologytoday.com explains that a victim of domestic violence finds it very difficult to walk away for various emotional and situational reasons. For Antonieta this proved to be right. Mario would show remorse and ask her to forgive him. She kept holding on to that little bit of hope, hope that some day he would change. She knew that he was once a loving man and she always thought that if she was just patient enough, he would go back to that man she fell in love with. The economic dependence, lack of support from her family and her children made her feel that she had no other option but to stay.
In many cases, culture is a pivotal factor for staying in an abusive relationship. Mexico is a very patriarchal society and many women agree that men are superior to women and that the female is meant to serve her husband. Antonieta is very familiar to this way of thinking because her own mother showed no compassion towards her suffering.
“The only advice she gave me was to stay and try to please him because it was now too late to walk away, because I had children with him and he was the only one who could financially support us.”
Domestic violence is an issue all around the world. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 out of 3 women are victims of domestic violence in the United States, and every nine seconds a woman is assaulted or physically beaten by her significant other. More than fifty percent of domestic violence victims do not take any action against the situation, and many end in tragedies.
The laws regarding domestic violence vary from state to state in the United States. However, in 1944, congress passes the Violence Against Women Act which states that domestic violence is a crime that can be punished by federal laws. Through this act, all citizens are protected against domestic violence but, each state handles every case differently.
For Antonieta, a new life in the United States is what helped her get away from her abusive husband.