“Please Don’t”
by Sofia Mogliazzi
Girls that cannot be trusted: Girls that look a guy in the eye as they eat a banana. OK first off…EW. Seriously, that is probably the weirdest sexual innuendo known to man and it’s not even sexual! You honestly think a man wants to see you bite, chew and digest something that looks like his member? Rhetorical question because the answer is a NO. Sweetie that would be terribly painful and most likely land you with a black eye and a restraining order. You probably would never do it, so why, oh, why would you suggest that you would by caressing a yellow Dole product? I mean unless your man is rolled in nuts, dipped in chocolate and sprinkled in coconut flakes (which I’m sure you can find on the Internet these days), please just don’t be that creep. It’s not hot.
Awkward...
Now I feel like this applies to more than just bananas. I would definitely say this for foods in general. Why on earth are you staring at someone while you consume your meal??? I consider mealtime a very sacred hour of indulgence…that means private!! I swear, If you make me feel uncomfortable by staring at me while you eat, I will get up, backhand you, and take my sandwich elsewhere. This rule may or may not apply to children depending on their stage or level of intelligence…