I consider myself a “twinkie” or a ”banana” because as an Asian, yellow outside, I’ve pretty much been Americanized hence being white inside. I barely kept in touch with my Asian culture. It’s always been easy for me to get depressed; I realized what depression was when I was seven years old, when my father passed away because of cancer. While growing up I was a very mischievous and messed up kid. I would get into fights; pull tons of pranks, one of which was pull the fire alarm at the end of my street. My friends and I would chuckle when the firefighters came and went “where’s the fire?” We’d end up burning things for fun, by stacking paper or whatever was burnable. There was one time when this guy (seriously messed up in his head), took a brick and smashed it on a baby bird that was lying on the floor. I just watched, felt disgusted looking at its splattered guts. During the times in school, I didn’t get a long with people that well. I got bullied some of the time, and I felt horrible. I wanted to belong somewhere, but I ended up being a lone most of the time. When high school came along, I was still a coward for my first two years, but then I just couldn’t handle it anymore and I use violence to settle things. And what do you know; it worked out well for me. People backed off, I got time to settle in and stuff, but my socializing skills weren’t that good. I’ve always worried about school, and for the most part did good, but I ended up slipping, I’m screwing myself over and my stress level just continues to build up. Then I end up getting angry and pissed too, and I usually get depressed also. I just wish there medicine or something to grow brain cells.
