Monologue -Tracy

I thought the monologue was supposed to be 500+ words… sorry for the extensive reading guys.

Starting college in August marked a new chapter in my life, which created a platform for me to explore new experiences, growth opportunities, and undergo extensive personal development. Even though I technically became an adult not too long ago, my current mentality every-so-often redirects my mind to be integrated back into my childish desires to neglect the process of growing up. How can I possibly feel independent when I am still mentally trapped in an inescapable barrier ? Despite my motivation to seek self-progression and fulfillment, external social environmental factors disabled me to achieve that. These factors included: the lack of a social transformative atmosphere at school and the unnecessary dependency that is enabled when you still live at home with Mom and Dad. Not only did these external factors inhibit and limit my personal growth that I actively sought, but I lost 95% of the self-motivational ambition to achieve the personal goals that I have set for myself.

Before I graduated high school, I had a distinctive vision for myself on how college was supposed to be like. Unfortunately, reality reflected a completely opposite mirror. College (especially at Baruch) is not what it perceives to be in the typical YouTube videos and written reviews that students read through before finalizing their college selection, which will determine the path to the rest of their lives. Because Baruch is a commuter school, I have noticed that college is just a place where the main objectives for students are to earn credits, obtain their degrees and then proceed to their part-time jobs. From my individual observations, what really discouraged me was the lack of motivation students demonstrated to utilize a college experience to maximize opportunities and cultivate a learning platform that will enable them to expand personal growth, knowledge and a multi-purpose understanding of the world. Despite Baruch having a limited college campus setting and atmosphere, I have taken initiative to get myself involved in two organizations in Baruch. Although I have not been fully situated and comfortable with the “social scene” at Baruch yet, my self-involvement has made my college experience a more active and enjoyable one as I continually get to meet new people and explore new prospects.

Another discouraging factor in attending college while living at home with my parents, is of course—the lack of independence that one is expected and highly encouraged to unravel at young adulthood.  Truth be told, I am still exceedingly inadequate in cooking my own food, cleaning my own laundry, and escaping the endless concerns and investigative questions when I decide to go out on a Friday or Saturday night. (Who are you going out with?! What time are you going to be home?! Don’t get raped and killed!  Are you on drugs?) Although these questions raise intense frustrations and expressive discomfort, I took it upon myself to accept the circumstances I was in—solely for the fact that I was the one who personally made the decision to live at home and attend college in the city as a cost-effective alternative to the private and out-of state universities that I initially planned on attending. Although I initially planned on transferring colleges, I strategically planned and concluded that it would be in my best interest to consider staying at Baruch for the rest of my college career for academic and career purposes. By taking advantage of the most diverse and active city in the world, I am advantageously making New York City my resourceful platform to explore the limitless opportunities that this city has to offer.

Yeah, just a random picture because I’m currently listening to the channel orange album. (which btw has a lot of significant meaning and subliminal messages to it!) Kinda in love with Frank Ocean at the moment…

Yeah, just a random picture here cause I’m currently listening to this album at this very moment so I decided to post this! I lurrrrvvvv Frank Ocean. This album has a lot of hidden meanings and subliminal messages in it, which I find interesting.