Time to write this monologue. I have an idea, I’ll just step out for a cigarette so I can focus when I come back. Here I go again. Feeding the addiction. Why do I do it? I ask myself that question everyday as I light up a cigarette and inhale that nicotine. The calming feeling rushes over me, I am relaxed, I am focused, I am in control, but most importantly I don’t have the hunger, at least not for another hour or two. Of course I’m killing my body, you think I don’t know that? Is it normal to be winded from running or the stairs or to cough like an old man? Of course not. So why do it? Why not quit? Why not quit? Why not quit? As the question repeats in my head I scramble to find an answer. I can’t find an answer, I can only come up with excuses. Is this all I can do, provide myself with excuses? Am I that weak that I can’t even kick an addiction? And to what? A bunch of tobacco leaves! No, that’s it, I’m done with this! If I can’t man up and kick an addiction what does that say about me? That’s it, I have decided, I am quitting! And this time, this time I’m serious. I know I have said that before but this time is different, I know it is, I have a good feeling about this. Then again, I should finish this last pack, it was expensive. Plus I don’t want cigarettes around after I quit. Yeah, finish this pack and then I’m done. No more cigarettes. Yeah that sounds good. I’ll just go have a cigarette and think about how good it will feel when I quit. I’m definitely quitting, I say it out loud just to hear it, then follow that by placing the cigarette to my lips and inhaling. I feel the smoke run through my lungs. As I exhale I say it again. I’m definitely quitting.
