Month: October 2012

I always considered myslef to be someone with good work ethic.  I usually get my work done ontime despite the occsional Instagram or Twitter check.  After filling out this evelaution, it marked me down as a practinator.  But i dont think that this is the case.  In this day and age, many teens are on their phones hours a day.  T

I feel that the tips mentioned here were very basic, at least for me. I feel that I myself am, what you can call, a neat freak, and I love spending time organizing everything from my books to events to assignments. It helps that I don’t have a life. But for some reason, I love clutter. I enjoy having to waste time digging around my backpack looking for a pencil or something. Don’t get me wrong though, clutter is different from dirt and I honestly cannot stand dirt.

I thought the tip about being more efficient by fitting assignments into “waiting time” – like when you’re waiting in an office or something of the sort – was sort of a no brainer. Even now I’m writing this out on a phone during FRO while I’m waiting for the day to end and I can go home and procrastinate on that English paper waiting for me to write.

Honestly I feel like procrastination is different for everyone. I tend to hunk of myself as an efficient worker that tries to finish everything as quickly as possible. The only problem I have with procrastination is that I can never focus or put 100% of my effort into anything, not even the things I used to like doing are starting to be put aside in turn for staring blankly at a computer monitor and scrolling automatically.

For some odd reason, whenever I stand atop a mountain, I get the exact same feeling as I do when about to speak publicly. I understand: Is standing atop mountains a usual occurrence? Believe it or not – yes. It is. Snowboarding is my all-time favorite activity. I’ve been to Colorado, Utah, Vermont, and all over Upstate New York because there is nothing more enjoyable to me than riding a new mountain. Contrarily, my all-time least favorite activity is speaking publicly.

What these two things have in common is the following: They both make me nervous. However, only snowboarding rewards me. The beginning of a snowboard run is the beginning a series of amazing rewards for the effort I’m about to put in. However much effort I put in to the run, I get back as a reward in the form of adrenaline. Speaking, on the other hand, penalizes me for the slightest slip-up. I forgot a word? Well now I have to stutter the next few and maybe lose my place a few lines down. Why? Because this tiny error is now stuck in the back of my mind. The idea that this mistake prevented me from giving my best version of that speech tears away at me while trying to continue my speech. What happens if I slip-up riding down a mountain? I put it behind me – literately and figuratively. The sheer joy I know I’ll get from continuing onward overwhelms me and prevents me from even thinking of fear or failure. Mountainside, I understand that I simply did my best and must continue on to the rest of the run.

It is the combination of these two that teaches me  to always aim for perfection, as I do in my speeches, yet continue on after error – as I do in snowboarding.

Math homework, I hate math and math hates me. It’s a love story that will never be. Now what am I doing in a Business school? I have no intentions on perusing a business career, perhaps because I hate math very passionately. Yeah that’s the reason why. But what do I really want to do? What does Diana Maribel Arias Aguirre want to do with her life?
For your information I want to change the world! Oh yeah you heard me, I want to be superman and save the world from evil! As lovely as that sounds, reality is that I have no super powers, but I do have a voice. I grew up in an outdoor scenario and I loved it. Everything Mother Nature gave me is beautiful and I plan on speaking for her. Baruch has an amazing public affairs school and that is the reason I’m here. I hope to someday get a job in the EPA. What’s the EPA you say? Well for those who have heard me said it and never had the courage to ask, I’m going to tell you today. EPA stands for environmental protection agency, it’s part of the government’s bureaucratic system. It’s basically an agency that works to protect the environment.
I just really want to make a difference in the world and I want to have a job that I won’t mind waking up every morning to. To me life is about living it well and taking advantage of opportunities. I love being outside and enjoying the beauty of the world, from the color of the sky, the small details on every building, all the way up to the taste of freshly picked oranges. I love living in this world and I want to show people why they should too!

Another day, another monologue. Thats not a quote from this year, thats what i would say almost every single day throughout senior year. Monologues arent too new to me. I have probably written about 50-100. All of different shapes and sizes. Different tasks. Different tones. Even as a different person. Why did i do this you may ask? Well, what i am about to tell you is one of the greatest experiences i have ever had a pleasure and opportunity to take. Its called, STAGES.

Senior year i decided to take a class called STAGES. STAGES is a class that only the “nerdier” or “artsy” people would take in my high school. It was known throughout the school as the unnecessary hard class that was offered senior year. Nobody would really want to take it because people would want to slouch and do nothing senior year, but everyone new that STAGES was alot of work. Personally, i love a challenge. I love to experience new things and have fun with life. I hate being boring and doing the same stuff every day. I like adventure. So i decided to take a chance and take STAGES. Once i signed up, everyone questioned me saying “WHAT THE HELL LANCE WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THAT! THATS NOT FOR YOU ITS FOR THE ARTSY PLAY PEOPLE!!”. I answered, “Hey, why not”. Il be honest, at first i was very worried, i would always ask myself what the hell i just got myself into. I even contemplated dropping out last second because of fear. But me being Lance, i toughed it out and i took the class.
Now lets talk about what STAGES actually is. Throughout the year you learn about theatre, plays, and things like aristotle. The teachers would like to challenge your mind to the fullest. We once had to write a full essay about what a “chair” is. It sounds so simple, but trust me, its not. We would always write monologues in all different types of ways to express ourselves, be comfortable, and enhance our speaking skills. I found myself at one with the class. I was kind of an outcast because these werent my people throughout highschool. But as the days went by people grew on me and i grew on people, and i made alot of amazing friends that i i unfortunately never knew before.
Starting second semester, the class shifts to a new direction(not the band). We stop all work and we as a class write a original musical to perform in front of the whole school at the end of the year. We do this all by ourselves. We write a 2 hour script, music, choreography, everything. It was AMAZING! The best part is that when casting came around, I GOT THE LEAD!! I was never in a play in my life! I got the lead over all these people who have been in plays for years. It meant so much for me and thankfully i killed it up there and had a blast. After the play everyone was jealous because they saw i got to experience something that they will never. STAGES was an amazing experience….if only i can go back, but i cant. Its just time to look into the future and see what adventure is next.

First year of college and I feel like I’m already behind. Sitting here writing my monologue and realizing it’s late. It’s past midnight and my eyes are heavy. Prioritizing time is not easy and it’s something I will eventually learn as the days go by. But for right now, I’m sort of still in summer mode. Leaving things to the last minute and just not worrying about the consequences. The past couple of weeks have been a lot better than the first month of college. Wake up Monday morning. Go to class. Do some homework in the library. Go to my game, get home late. Finish up what I have left of my homework. Go to sleep. Wake up for 8am class. Get out of class and rush to work. Get off work and rush home to finish readings, quizzes, and precal homework. Go to sleep. Wake up for class, go to the library to do homework. Go pick up mom. Sleep. Wake up, go to class. Leave class and go to work. Finally Friday. Wake up, go to the library to do homework. Go to work. Relax at home. Sleep till noon. Go to practice. Go home and chill for the rest of the day. Sunday arrives and the cramming of homework begins. It’s Monday all over again. RINSE AND REPEAT. There are days where I just want to sleep for a couple days. Maybe hibernate and join the bears in the cave. But I know I just have to keep on moving because you never know when the sun will shine. 

Life

People always tell me (and I try to tell myself) to stop worrying about the future and focus on the present. But how can I not worry about the future when what I do or do not do in the present directly influences what I will be doing in the future? I go to school because I want to get an education. I want to get an education because I want a well-paying career. I want a well-paying career because I want to live comfortably and support my future wife and kids. I think. Do I even want kids?

So where does it all end? Did my parents send me to school in kindergarten with the notion in mind that I must get an education in order to get a good job? Is this my purpose in living life? To make money? It would be practical yet ludicrous to think that I, another insignificant human being on the face of what seems like a never-ending vast of space, have a greater purpose. I, just like everyone else in the world, am trying to live life. To survive. But what is the meaning of survival? According to dictionary.com, survival is a person or thing that survives or endures. So isn’t everyone surviving? What differentiates me from the homeless guy with the sign asking for change on the street? Aren’t we both surviving?

Sometimes I wish I was born in a different time period. A period of time when there was no currency. A period of time where there were no materialistic values. A society where each individual fights for his or her own survival with no means of competition.

Well, got to get to sleep now. Early classes tomorrow.

Who am I exactly? What am I to you? What do you see in me? Do you see me as more than just a friend? Do you ever see pass my face and appearances? Do you ever think about how I feel? Yeah, we talk and all but I don’t feel like you’ve learned much about me. We have been together for almost a year already, not that I keep count or anything. Do you ever think about what you say before you actually say something? Do you know that your words cut deeply into my head and stay embedded there for a long time? Why do I even bother trying? I’ve been trying for the past year already. I hate being the only one trying. Where is your effort? I doubt myself at times, but I push those thoughts away because I trust you and believe in you. But what do I get? In the end, all I have left is myself. Is there no one out there that I can trust anymore? Is there no one out there that isn’t shallow and materialistic anymore? You tell me, “I can’t only like a person because of their personality, they need to have something to attract me.”  First of all, since when did I ever look bad?  Okay maybe I am a bit underweight but that doesn’t give you the right to change me as a person. I don’t want to hear from you telling me to gain weight, get bigger, and what clothes to wear. I am not your barbie doll. I do not want to hear from you telling me a time schedule of when I can speak with you, I am not your employee. I am your boyfriend and if I am not going to be treated like one then you will end up not having one. I have learned to look past all these flaws and love you for who you are, but yet you cannot do the same for me. I guess you weren’t the one.

Every now and then while walking to the train I see a homeless person. When taking the train to school I see another homeless person. When I get out of the subway and go to get a newspaper, I see another homeless person. Often times in life, people complain about the little things such as not getting the newest iphone or  laptop. However we fail to realize just how lucky we are to have basic necessities such as a house with food and clean water. As a young kid, when I first saw a homeless person I wondered where do they go? The truth was that they didn’t have anywhere to go. They just sit there and watch. They watch as everyone else goes home while they wonder around in the streets. Here we live in the one of the most technologically advanced cities in the world but yet it sometimes seems like people live in a third-world country. Every time I see a homeless person I count my blessings and I’m thankful for what I have.

 

 

Time to write this monologue. I have an idea, I’ll just step out for a cigarette so I can focus when I come back. Here I go again. Feeding the addiction. Why do I do it? I ask myself that question everyday as I light up a cigarette and inhale that nicotine. The calming feeling rushes over me, I am relaxed, I am focused, I am in control, but most importantly I don’t have the hunger, at least not for another hour or two. Of course I’m killing my body, you think I don’t know that? Is it normal to be winded from running or the stairs or to cough like an old man? Of course not. So why do it? Why not quit? Why not quit? Why not quit? As the question repeats in my head I scramble to find an answer. I can’t find an answer, I can only come up with excuses. Is this all I can do, provide myself with excuses? Am I that weak that I can’t even kick an addiction? And to what? A bunch of tobacco leaves! No, that’s it, I’m done with this! If I can’t man up and kick an addiction what does that say about me? That’s it, I have decided, I am quitting! And this time, this time I’m serious. I know I have said that before but this time is different, I know it is, I have a good feeling about this. Then again, I should finish this last pack, it was expensive. Plus I don’t want cigarettes around after I quit. Yeah, finish this pack and then I’m done. No more cigarettes. Yeah that sounds good. I’ll just go have a cigarette and think about how good it will feel when I quit. I’m definitely quitting, I say it out loud just to hear it, then follow that by placing the cigarette to my lips and inhaling. I feel the smoke run through my lungs. As I exhale I say it again. I’m definitely quitting.