Author Archives: ay148644

I attended the OUCH!Workshop which explained why some of the things people say in passing can be offensive. The workshop mentioned ways to let people know that you are not okay with jokes or comments like that in a friendly and unassuming way. While this can be very helpful, I feel like a more direct way is much more effective. Of course, this is just my opinion, but I’d rather face a problem like this head on rather than drop hints and wait for this dim person to come around and understand that they’re being insensitive and rude. The people running the workshop showed us a couple of videos and tried to start a conversation about the subject, which soon became a mute point. However, the people running the workshop were plenty friendly and definitely were driven to be helpful.

This GIF represents my experience at Baruch these past few months because that’s basically what I do every single day when I get home. I throw my things down and die a little. The commute to school and back is soul-crushing. Yes, at first it was quite an adventure and it was quite exciting but the scenery gets old quite quickly and I, much like a squirrel, have a short attention span. My phone more often than not threatens to die halfway through the trip. Morning classes are a complete bummer and my spirit is crushed. That’s not to say that I completely hate college, but it is, after all, school so forgive me if  I’m not entirely ecstatic about it. However, I’m trudging through the semester and everyday I am closer to sleeping in and wearing sweatpants everyday. Ah, the life. To be far, far away from people and schoolwork are the only things that keep me going nowadays.

Antsy. Restless. Anxious. That’s how I would describe my past few weeks at Baruch. See, the thing about me is that I’m not a creature of habit but change make me nervous. A little change is fine. Rotation. Rotation is fine. But these past few weeks have almost felt routine. Rehearsed. Like I’m putting on the same smile every single day and seeing the same faces everyday. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like the faces I’m seeing everyday but I have problems with routine and permanency. I get bored easily. And if I get bored I become antsy.

For the past few weeks I’ve felt it. It’s been there rumbling under my skin, the anxiety, the nervousness, the everything. It makes me want to do something different. Last year I felt it too, the day of graduation no less. However, I think that was me getting antsy over the fact that everything was going to change. I had gotten too used to a routine. So, on graduation day I chopped off four inches of my hair. Just like that. Went to the bathroom with the intention of putting the finishing touches on my hair and came out with  clumps of hair in my hands to a hysterical mother and cousin. It didn’t stop there. Almost every week of that summer I cut off a bit of my hair. I always wondered why. Like, I get it, you know, I was nervous about change and not seeing people I had grown accustomed to. I finally figured out that somehow subconsciously I thought, much like a petulant child, that if everyone was going to change then so would I.

That brings me to today. I’ve been feeling restless like something has to happen before all of this becomes too routine, too familiar. And so, I shaved my head. Now, if you had asked me before the haircut why I wanted to shave my head I would have told you it was because I like side cuts, they’re cute, Cher Lloyd has one, etc. and the worst part is that I believed that wholeheartedly. But now, reflecting on myself, it wasn’t because of Cher or any of those other reasons. It was because I was going insane with the routine, with the familiar faces, with getting attached. It was because I though “well if I can’t change anything around me then I may as well change myself”. It’s really unsurprising how stupid I am sometimes and it’s even more incredible how my train of thought works but alas here I am with a portion of my head shaved off. But you know what, I’m happy. I’m happy and I don’t regret it and I don’t think I ever will. But, I do worry about myself with the next few coming weeks and how I’ll adjust to change once the semester’s over. Here’s to another haircut!

It’s rather difficult to compress your whole entire being down to just ten songs. My original playlist was eighteen songs and it was quite a challenge removing the surplus. My taste in music is a little odd, I suppose. I like to listen to various types of music but I would most certainly not be the person that say “Yeah, I like everything but country” because the word “everything” is loaded. I like what I like and it’s as simple as that. These songs mean quite a lot to me. A lot of them were explicitly chosen because the lyrics are everything that I am and everything I hope to be. I often get teased for my taste in music because it is nowhere near consistent, but oh well. To each their own. If you like, then hey thanks that’s awesome, and if you don’t like oh well.

HERE