Have you ever contemplated the existence of someone what looks just like you but is evil?
Have you ever thought about the gravity that holds you to the Earth?
Have you ever wondered if your life is actually a TV show that is being broadcasted throughout the world? How awesome would that be?! And I don’t mean one of those lame ass TV shows on NBC that last all of one season before they are cancelled, I’m talking a phenomenal show that gets its deserved six seasons and a movie (and if you understand that reference we should totally hang out).
Sometimes this idea occurs to me as I’m walking through the subway and I take a bow. I seriously hope this confuses everyone who’s watching and makes them ask themselves if I actually do know it’s a show. But if your life is a TV show than what channel would it air on and what would be the premise? Honestly if my life is a show I hope it’s not constantly playing reruns that annoy viewers. If I could choose I wish it could air on Animal Planet, not because it contains many animals but because the narrations on those shows are amazing. Morgan Freeman, Morgan Freeman could narrate it! Oh no, no, no!!! Samuel L Jackson! You know what?! Forget both Morgan Freeman and Samuel L Jackson, Ron Howard! He narratored Arrested Development and that would be plain awesome! By the way that show is coming back and it is going to be the best thing since the second coming of Christ.
Though the narration could also prove rather annoying, so A&E. I would have the show formatted like Intervention, not because I’m addicted to anything but because the captions in between my actions could prove to be useful and interesting, a lesser annoyance than narrations. But who doesn’t become a little upset when watching Intervention? My show wouldn’t be depressing.
I would love to say Nickelodeon or cartoon network and tune in every Saturday morning to watch yet again another problem my cartoon self can get into! In cartoons your character can do anything and with sound effects it is really quite amusing. But my real life is not a cartoon, obviously, so I fail to see how my life could be accurately expressed… life as a cartoon sounds amazing now that I think about it…
My TV is usually isolated to comedy central and while I wish I could occupy the same wave frequency of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I find I am not nearly witty enough and nor do I want to share the same air as Daniel Tosh.
History channel? One word: aliens.
PBS I find to be very informative and helpful, I am neither and I wish not to be. (Anyone remember the Arthur theme?! LOVE IT!)
But where does this leave me? Most likely I would end up on MTV, not in one of those shitty reality TV shows and God do I hate Jersey Shore, but more like one of those shows about awkward teenagers, I hate those too but that’s my life. Also, I’d be on a station with Amir Blumenfeld and honestly that’s all I need out of life. I love him. No seriously, he’s my idol.
Anyway, that’s all I have to say so tune in next time, same fro time, same fro place.