Author Archives: sc149946

2:00 A.M.

My eyes jolt awake. My heart starts pumping faster. My head is killing me. Why did I wake up so early? I close my eyes and attempt to go to sleep, but I can feel my body is already awake. I haven’t slept well for years. I throw off my clothes, and hope one of my brothers don’t come in sometime between now and sunrise to see my exposed body. I jump up, open a window, and crack open my worn copy of “The Strangers” by Albert Camus. It’s useless; my head hurts too much to read even my favorite book. Math runs through my head—shit! I forgot to do my math homework last night. The shaming, sinking feeling in my heart is so familiar to me. “Can I go back to sleep now?” My brain was begging my heart, but my heart ignored it. Fair enough; my brain often ignored my heart. A deep sadness flooded my body. Am I depressed because I don’t sleep, or do I not sleep because I’m depressed? Should I go get somebody? No, the feelings aren’t too strong tonight. I’m sweating. It’s 20 degrees outside and I’m completely naked, but I still sweat like a high athlete. I begin to feel feint. My mind goes as blank as the white paint on my bedroom walls. Thoughts I shouldn’t have crowd my brain. Where is a God when you need one?

2:01 A.M.

Hi, my name is Shawn. My favorite color is green. I’m quiet, but not particularly shy. I have a pretty diverse sense of humor, spanning from potty jokes to political satire. I’m extremely patient. I hate talking about myself. I’ve been playing trumpet for 7 years now, and my favorite musician is Lee Morgan. I also like Diplo and Beethoven. I was born and (mostly) raised in Brooklyn. I’m vegan by choice, but I won’t preach about it. I hate veggie patties. I’m never on facebook, but on tumblr at least once a day. I hate pictures. I also hate talking about myself.

I don’t really have any concerns about Baruch. My only real one regards the winter session: there is very limited information regarding it on the internet, and I’d really like to take classes in order to graduate early. I don’t really have a reason why I want to graduate early.

I think the main difference between my Baruch experience and my high school experience will be the amount of time I spend studying and the amount of homework I do. In high school, I  (almost literally, actually) never studied and did no homework whatsoever. So far, at Baruch, I’ve done all my homework and studied fervently for my exams. I also party much more, but from what I’ve been told, that’s a natural part of the college process.

I dunno if my first year of college will change me much. I suppose I’ll work harder than I ever have before in school. I’ll also probably learn to be more financially conscious (Manhattan prices, mannn). Maybe I’ll become louder or something.

My name is Shawn and I hate talking about myself.