It was hard finding a meme among the wealth of memes on the internet. Today people are able to convey their emotions by simply pasting some white letters on a picture. I enjoy how many there are about school and it’s nice knowing that I am not the only one in the world who has a hard time finding out what I need to do and how I’m supposed to do it. Especially when it seems that all of my other classes have such high expectations of me. My life at Baruch isn’t what I had hoped it would be but I half-knew that I wasn’t going to enjoy myself having had to turn down my dream school due to financial reasons. On top of all this I am faced with long readings of long passages of long works that I had no interest in reading, in long classes that I didn’t even get to choose. I have no idea what I want to pursue in terms of majors or careers and I am still faced with the uncertainty of random classes in my first semester. For my History class in particular I often have forty page passages that are assigned three at a time for an assignment that is usually due the next day. Whether I am reading about globalization or the Holocaust I feel a constant strain on my eyes and on my mind not only to transfer the images of the letters on the pages but also on my mind who is contacted through the optical nerve to retain the ever-flowing information. I sometimes feel like my eyes are popping out of my skull on their own, or that I may have to rip them out and place them on the page to keep up with the readings.
I’m hoping transfer to any new school to alleviate me from some of my literal misery.
Outside of the “da fuck” I receive from my readings I also “da fuck” over the fact that everyone in this school seems to want to come to class, sit there, and leave without saying a word or attempting to befriend any other students who aren’t already in pre-formed cliques. It feels like work to pay attention to anything when others aren’t willing to put in the effort.
The real monotony comes from sitting in the cafe or at a Starbucks waiting for my classes to start then end and in-between– working at American Apparel (where we have the world’s worst management who can’t seem to get their shit together when it comes to communication). This has everything to do with the meme in regards to not understanding when I am put on the schedule and when I am being called in for a mandatory meeting.
I am likely to transfer out of Baruch as soon as I can and I am hoping to leave American Apparel as soon as I find another means of income. Sure it will be hard to find the funds for another school and to get by without income for a while but anything could be better than what I have made here.