It was hard finding a meme among the wealth of memes on the internet. Today people are able to convey their emotions by simply pasting some white letters on a picture. I enjoy how many there are about school and it’s nice knowing that I am not the only one in the world who has a hard time finding out what I need to do and how I’m supposed to do it. Especially when it seems that all of my other classes have such high expectations of me. My life at Baruch isn’t what I had hoped it would be but I  half-knew that I wasn’t going to enjoy myself having had to turn down my dream school due to financial reasons. On top of all this I am faced with long readings of long passages of long works that I had no interest in reading, in long classes that I didn’t even get to choose. I have no idea what I want to pursue in terms of majors or careers and I am still faced with the uncertainty of random classes in my first semester. For my History class in particular I often have forty page passages that are assigned three at a time for an assignment that is usually due the next day. Whether I am reading about globalization or the Holocaust  I feel  a constant strain on my eyes and on my mind not only to transfer the images of the letters on the pages but also on my mind who is contacted through the optical nerve to retain the ever-flowing information. I sometimes feel like my eyes are popping out of my skull on their own, or that I may have to rip them out and place them on the page to keep up with the readings.

I’m hoping transfer to any new school to alleviate me from some of my literal misery.

Outside of the “da fuck” I receive from my readings I also “da fuck” over the fact that everyone in this school seems to want to come to class, sit there, and leave without saying a word or attempting to befriend any other students who aren’t already in pre-formed cliques. It feels like work to pay attention to anything when others aren’t willing to put in the effort.

The real monotony comes from sitting in the cafe or at a Starbucks waiting for my classes to start then end and in-between– working at American Apparel (where we have the world’s worst management who can’t seem to get their shit together when it comes to communication). This has everything to do with the meme in regards to not understanding when I am put on the schedule and when I am being called in for a mandatory meeting.

I am likely to transfer out of Baruch as soon as I can and I am hoping to leave American Apparel as soon as I find another means of income. Sure it will be hard to find the funds for another school and to get by without income for a while but anything could be better than what I have made here.

I honestly couldn’t think of anything to write about for this monologue. At first I was going to talk about things I hate about Baruch but the list would be endless. Since I find most things annoying, I figured I should write about something I actually enjoy talking about.

I went to St. Francis Prep which is a catholic high school in Queens. When I tell people I went to catholic school, they assume it was strict but in reality most of us didn’t pay attention half of the time and our teachers were pretty much tired of us. Our senior trip was to Hawaii which was probably one of the greatest memories I have about my school.

The flight was ten hours long and it was torture but it was so worth the wait. I shared a room on the twenty third floor with my two best friends and some random girl who turned out to be crazy. My dean, principal and teachers were our supervisors but they were out partying just as much as we were. It was just like being on vacation alone, they didn’t care that we went out past curfew or that people left their rooms in the middle of the night.

Besides having complete freedom, it was the most beautiful place I have ever seen. The water was actually blue unlike the ugly  brown green water we have in New York. I remember swimming out to the coral reefs and skinny dipping at night. On our last night we went to Top of Waikiki, a revolving restaurant in Waikiki (obviously). The food was amazing and the view was even better. We stayed for nine days and me and my friends were crying when we had to leave. We wanted to move there and I definitely would if I had the money.

After coming back to New York, I felt more annoyed than usual. Probably because I didn’t want to spend summer here after an experience like that. Eventually I got over it; I still miss it but I made life long friends and met my boyfriend there, so I definitely got a lot out of it. 

These are my favorite pictures I took while I was there 🙂

Subject Line: Extra Help for MTH2003

Dear Professor Anonymous,

I’m having some trouble with the material we covered in class. I was emailing you to inquire about any extra help that may be available for me before or after class. I would really appreciate it!

Best,

Nicolle Portilla

MTH 2003

MW- 12:25

fro

At first, I thought choosing ten songs that described me would be easy and then I started to create this playlist and I realized I was just picking my favorite songs. Does that describe me? I’m not really sure but I know that they are my favorites for a reason and I guess that does answer the question “Who am I?”.

“Bad Things” by Jace Everett became a song that I listened to every Sunday night at 9 pm when one of my favorite shows, True Blood, was on. By the third episode I knew all of the lyrics and it eventually ended up on my playlist. Now that True Blood is over, I find myself sad every time it comes on shuffle, but I think it’ll always be a song that relates to me.

I first heard “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero’s when I was scrolling down my tumblr many years ago and came across the cutest cover of this song of a father and his daughter. For some reason anything that involves a father-daughter bond, always makes me emotional. I showed the video to my grandmother who had absolutely no idea what they were saying but still loved the song. We would listen to it every time we were together. Now, whenever I listen to it, I think of her. Each time, she pops into my head and I find myself walking downstairs to see her.

The cover of “Fast Car” by Boyce Avenue reminds me of one of my closest friends. He always asks me to put it on while we’re in the car. At first I hated it and would dread going into a car with him because I knew what was coming. Each time I played it, he would sing at the top of his lungs and it became somewhat of a ritual. I learned to love it and now every time I’m in a car, I play it.

“Angel / Better Together” by Jack Johnson are actually two songs that he puts together during his concerts. I went to his concert in June in Brooklyn with my boyfriend. It was outdoors and everyone was sitting on the floor and it was such a laid back concert but it was an incredible time. I think the reason I love this song and the reason I love Jack Johnson is because I got to experience seeing him with a really important person in my life.

“LoveStoned” by Justin Timberlake doesn’t even begin to describe me. If I could add fifty more songs to this playlist, they would all be Justin Timberlake songs. My love for him is actually ridiculous and I never imagined seeing him in concert and when I did I was shaking the entire time. My sister got me tickets for Christmas and I cried like a baby, it was the greatest gift ever.

“Breezeblocks” by Alt-J was my anthem for this summer. As I was road tripping with all of my friends, this would blast out of the speakers. I heard it once and instantly fell in love and now I listen to Alt-J a lot and hope to see them in concert soon.

“A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton isn’t one of my favorite songs but it’s a staple song for the movie White Chicks which I’ve watched at least ten times. It’s also a fun song for me and my friends, because who doesn’t know all the lyrics to this song?

“Misery” by Maroon 5 makes me cry because Adam Levine is literally the most beautiful human being ever. I’ve been obsessed with Maroon 5 since I was really young and I’ve seen them three times and each time spending 200 dollars was worth it. Most people who “love” Maroon 5 know Adam is in the band and nothing else, which is fine because they don’t really care but I got to see them and say hi to them and Adam even smiled at me and my friend from his car so basically my life was a trillion times better after that day.

“Me Enamora” by Juanes describes me because Juanes is a Colombian musician. I’m Colombian and I listen to his music a lot because my mom always seems to be jamming out to his throwbacks. I grew up listening to him and I learned to love his music and I’m proud to be Colombian because of him.

“Gravity” by John Mayer is a pretty well known song and it’s one of my favorites. I absolutely love the album Continuum and listen to it daily. I saw John Mayer in concert in December, do I like concerts or nah? Anyway, he’s a really good entertainer and I really want to see him again.

There are no songs that describes my hatred for centipedes and squirrels but I’m sure this will suffice because this pretty much sums me up in ten songs!