Growing up, I did not have many male influences in my life. And those that were there were not particularly great influences. There were the boys,which were my cousins and although they were older they were not men. There was my uncles who were all single so they I never saw from them a man who was in a relationship. There was also my sisters father who was a good as he could have been I guess. Even as a young child I could see that he was beguiled by the woman he was with to the point that he could not see that his children were suffering under her attention. And my father, my father has never been a part of my life. In a way through my experiences I have been shown that as a strong woman I do not need a man. My mother raised my sister and I on her own and to me she’s always been both of my parents. I think lots of children who grow up with single parents have independent natures. However maybe with me it is a little bit too much. I resent, very strongly anyone interrupting my independence. I do not under any circumstances want anyone to tell me what to do or to have control of my life in any way. I guess you can say that I am a control freak, I’m not sure I see it that way. I can see and understand that it is unrealistic to want control at all times.
With my feelings towards men sometimes I wonder how I ended up in a relationship. One that has been successful for many years, and is fill of love and contentment. Sometimes my mind begins to wonder and all I can picture in my mind is being abandoned or something equally as devastating. I am terrified of getting my heart broken. I think that people underestimate the power of love and what happens when you really and truly love another being. Love is the offering of your heart to someone when you have no idea what condition you will get it back in. My heart was sheltered safe in my arms to be protected forever until it was coaxed out of its shell. I gave my heart away hoping to never get it back. Now it’s back in my capable hands but it’s been completely tarnished. I’m trying very hard to remember that I am a strong woman and I need no man. I am strong.

Daneka John

I was born with a guilty conscience. Whenever someone says they need to speak with me I always assume something terrible is about to happen, so when my principal pulled me out of my class I immediately began thinking things like am I getting suspended and oh no what did I do.

I couldn’t recall anything that had happened recently that I would be getting in trouble for so I was genuinely confused, and in turn, absolutely terrified. My stomach began twisting and turning. I just wanted to know what was going on. We were silent as we walked through the desolate halls of my school. We passed his office, which didn’t make any sense to me. And then I realized we were walking toward the library.

What the hell is going on?

As we entered the library I saw my mother sitting on the couch with both of the deans. I nearly threw up. Whatever this was about… it was serious. My principal told me to sit down and I did. As they began speaking, it was clear what had happened.

I knew that Tanasia and I weren’t in a good place, in fact we weren’t really friends at all at the moment, but I thought I could still trust her. She had always been my best friend. How could she do this to me, I trusted her. I trusted her. I trusted her. It was betrayal at its finest. I told her my secret in confidence.

When I told her, I knew she was upset. I knew that it was hard to swallow, but she never indicated that she would do this. Why would she tell them? Why? Why? Lost in my own head I lost track of what was going on in front of me. They all looked concerned, maybe a bit angry, but I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying. I caught bits and pieces… here and there.

“Cariahnna? “

I looked up. It was clear that I hadn’t been paying attention, a punishable offense.

“Cariahnna? “

“Are you okay?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

They were taking turns.

I can’t believe this is my life. Why me?

“I’m fine”

I looked back down. My mom grabbed my hand. She was crying.

“It’s not your fault. You know that right? THIS. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.”

“I know”

But I didn’t quite believe the words that had escaped my mouth. There was a part of me that felt responsible. There was a part of me that kept saying well, if you wouldn’t have done this and wouldn’t have done that. I couldn’t look at any of them. They all knew. I’m sure my teachers knew too. The teachers know everything that happens around here.

Everyone knows.

I heard them going on about saving other people. I probably wasn’t the only one and there would probably be more. There was too much going on for me to focus on anything. I just wanted to leave. I wanted them to forget what they had learned.

“The decision is yours. We won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I don’t want to do anything.”

I just wanted to move on, which seemed impossible now that all these people knew my business.

“Alright Cariahnna.”

They seemed disappointed, but I was relieved. The decision was mine this time. I said no, and it actually meant something.

“Knowledge is an unending adventure at the edge of uncertainty.” – Jacob Bronowski (20th century British scientist)

I would like to express my current state of mind, which is a result of some major events in my life which have transpired over the course of the last year and a half. The crucial and overarching theme that I’ve come to learn from my experiences thus far can be found in the above quote. The recent events that have transpired dealt an enormous blow to my self-confidence, but at this point I’m coming back around.

When I finished high school, I decided not to go to college right away and instead carve out a niche for myself in the New York tech startup scene. After all, New York as a tech hub is second only to Silicon Valley. I had befriended a well-known entrepreneur and investor toward the end of my high school tenure who believed in me and made introductions which resulted in my first job: an unpaid internship in a venture-backed tech startup in SoHo. This lasted for a couple months, and then I transitioned into a position within the venture firm itself (run by my friend, who became my employer).

He ran a venture capital startup which invested in seed-stage mobile technologies – this positioning meant that I had a first-hand perspective at what forces make startups successes and/or failures. I learned how to talk to investors, witnessed how to build a companies from the ground up, made absurdly high-level connections, and learned countless more lessons. As time progressed, I became unhappy for the wrong reasons. I grew tired of working under someone – I got the entrepreneurial bug. I decided to leave so I could learn how to code and build a startup of my own (which as of today, is dormant).

This was my mistake. It was a premature exit and I have suffered greatly for it. I let my emotions get in the way of reasoning. I couldn’t pull through and got distracted. I remained unemployed for months, and that’s when I decided to apply for school and jump back into a startup. Both of these things happened, and unfortunately things didn’t work out at this third company. As of today, most of my personal network is dried up.

Today I’m more knowledgeable and experienced, and I’m running a startup FULLY ([a second one, not the above mentioned] and although it’s still broken, and still somewhat of a side project as I’m looking for any job to pay the bills). The solution is technical, and every day I spend time learning how to code so I could fix the issues myself. Once this is done, I wholeheartedly believe it’ll take off. When it does, I would like to stop my job search/or leave a job depending on how much cash going to my pocket. By June or so I believe will be the time.

I believe my destiny is my own, and over the long term I could never work under somebody. I’ve never been good with someone else’s rules – I want to work WITH people not FOR people. Real money is made in your own office, not someone else’s.

Thanks for reading, and sorry for the length!

Lum

I think that my background and what I have been exposed to as a child definitely had a big affect on what kind of music I enjoy the most. As a child my sister loved neo-soul which is a mix of contemporary RnB and soul music. Hearing the positive and refreshing messages of artist like Maxwell, Prince, Floetry, India Arie and Lauryn Hill instilled great messages in me. Messages about love and life and appreciation that I will never forget. This makes me love RnB because it feels good and it is music that contains so many different types of genres such as funk, soul, hip hop and blues. The music that has shaped who I am as a person most of all though is soca and by that same degree reggae.Growing up the type of music we listened to the most was soca. Something about the rhythmic beats and happy music just makes a person want to dance the night away.

My first song in my playlist is by India Arie- Video.  This song is very special to me, I remember my sister listening to it when I was a young girl. This song helped me to understand from a very young age that I am indeed not my hair, skin and I do not have to fulfill others expectations of me. It led me to understand that I did not need to be anyone other than myself. The second song Big Girls Don’t Cry by Fergie is another one of those good feeling songs that just puts me in a great mood. It reminds that yes life is hard but as a woman I am strong. The third song Apparently-JCole reminds me that I may make wrong decisions in life I learn everyday and there are people that believe in me.

Doo Wop(That Thing) by Lauryn Hill is a song that I used from a young age to remind myself that there are some people in world that only care about sex. This song taught me to respect myself and that young men should always respect themselves. It taught the importance of being real in appearance, body and intentions. Can’t take my eyes off of you by Lauryn Hill and Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake and Beyonce is two love songs that mean so much to me. Both songs are about making yourself vulnerable to the one you love and realizing what that person means to you. The next three songs are some soca songs that always have me ready to dance whenever I hear them. They embody everything that is important to my family in music, in that they are fun, and happy and make you want to dance. The last song G.O.M.D. by JCole is one I have recently found and that helps me gets through most days. When I am at work and someone is ask stupid questions I show my frustrations in my own head by singing this song.

Daneka John

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnZpEt7M7gM

It wasn’t easy to pick 10 songs – I listen to so many different kinds of music for many different reasons. I tried my best to dilute the list (which includes my top 3 bands – Crystal Castles, Sexy Sushi, and The Knife). A rough description of the kind of music I like is music that has raw sounds and is dynamic with deep evolving melodies and sounds, vocals included. My genres span from electro-punk, to folk, country, hip hop, rap, rock, and more.

I think the range in music I listen to is a reflection of my open-minded, inquisitive, and unique character. I also like to think of myself as being ambitious with big goals in life. Music plays a deep, fundamental role in my life. To call it an art form, although a significant term, is to downplay its impact to my life. Music accentuates the (emotional) highs and heals the lows. It intensifies feelings and thoughts.

Growing up I was always different from the people around me. In a way music was an escape into my own domain. My growth in music taste started around the time when I really became interested in the intellectual pursuits of life; this happened when I was 15 or so. I didn’t have many friends, so often I would be home reading about nature (by nature I mean everything that ever was, is, and will be). I had discovered people like Carl Sagan who inspired me learn as much as possible about everything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOKQ6qJjny4

And now here’s a shift:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWCGPX2dm4

Back to folk/country:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGw7KtRxfgU

And back to hip hop!

Hope you guys like it. If not, oh well! =)

Lum

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLK0STn1qM941fQTU7TxQ1S3veqUrr7shY

010010010010000001100100011011110010000001101110011011110111010000

100000011101110110100101110011011010000010000001110100011011110010

000001100010011001010010000001100100011001010110011001101001011011

100110010101100100001011100010000001001001001000000110111101101110

011011000111100100100000011000010111001101101011001000000111010001

101000011000010111010000100000011010010110011000100000011110010110

111101110101001000000111001101100101011001010110101100100000011101

000110100001100101001000000110010001100101011001010111000001101110

011001010111001101110011001000000111010001101000011000010111010000

100000011010010111001100100000010010010010110000100000011101000110

100001100001011101000010000001111001011011110111010100100000011001

100110111101110010011001110110010100100000011000010010000001110000

011000010111010001101000001000000111010001101111011101110110000101

110010011001000111001100100000011101110110010100101110

This slideshow obviously exceeds 8 photos, but it’s hard to sum up a vision of who I am in a few photographs. In this video I have included some of my favorite things and what happens to consume my life at the present moment. I begin the slideshow with my pug Dexter. He’s one of my favorite pups who currently lives in sunny south Florida with my mom. This picture captures him at his best, tongue out snoring away. The second photo is of my little pup Muffin who lives here with me in NYC. She is my everything and I don’t know what I would do without her. She is always near me, especially if I’m reading. I have books pictured in here because they keep me positive and motivated. Always have a book in my bag and can usually get some reading in on the way to and from work. I’ve been an Aveda hair stylist for 5 years now, which explains the hair photography. I specialize in balayage (hand painted highlights) shown on the blonde, also the picture of the woman and gentleman facing the wall. Those two are more than just clients, they are the most influential people in my life; my aunt and uncle. I spend my time wearing all black (Aveda dress code requirement) and since I don’t have a photo of the salon I threw in one of myself in the salon after a long day. My friends are also really important parts of my life which is why some of their darling faces are shown. The last three slides are of central park in the fall which is my favorite season, and the neighborhood I reside in, my current apartment and my future apartment goals. The last photo is what I will strive for and what someday I will call my own.

Thanks for letting me share a little bit about myself with all of you, hope you enjoy it.

Here is a slideshow of some pictures and videos that I think represent who I am. The first image is a graphic panting that a friend of mine did of me. If you look at the pictures they might seem a little obvious as to why I might say they represent who I am. There are pictures of myself, my boyfriend and my nephew. In addition there is a short clip of a video that I recorded whilst on Astor Place. The video is indicative of where I grew up (Manhattan) and how my surroundings impacted who I am today (a weirdo). Some of the pictures show me being silly, which I am often am. There is also a meme of a dog, and that meme represents how strange and awkward I am on a daily basis. I hope that this little description explains my video to you all. And i hope you enjoyed.

Below is the link to the Spotify playlist I created.

If you don’t have Spotify (get it…it’s free) I have listed the songs and artists below.

1. Tiny Raindrop – Balance and Composure
2. Constant Headache – Joyce Manor
3. Such Small Hands – La Dispute
4. Things I Can’t Change – The Story So Far
5. Tip Your Bartender – Glassjaw
6. Republica – Crime In Stereo
7. Sowing Season (Yeah) – Brand New
8. Where Have You Been? – Manchester Orchestra
9. If I Could Make You Do Things – Two Tongues
10. Act Appalled – Circa Survive

I struggled to pick these songs (in a good way).  I consider myself to be not only a musician, but a music junkie as well, so I had a lot of content to choose from.  The songs I picked aren’t that diverse, which is an unfair representation of my musical taste normally.  I have been into rap and electronica a lot lately (specifically Kendrick Lamar and Com Truise).  I also am not ashamed to admit that I regularly listen to Taylor Swift (she is my morning alarm ringtone) and I like classical music so much that I go to at least one performance a month.  The main point I am trying to make is that music has always heavily defined who I am and who I have been at many different points in my life.

I guess you could say the songs I picked are my favorite songs.  I’m sure a year from now if you asked me what my ten favorite songs were, it wouldn’t be the same list, but a majority them would stay the same.  Most of the songs I picked are over 5 years old.  They were with me when I was in middle school and high school and took me through some of the best and worst times in my young adult life.  Each song that I picked is directly correlated to an event that changed my life in some way, shape, or form, and no matter how my taste in music might change or how much Miley Cyrus I may listen to when I’m alone, these 10 songs will always paint a pretty accurate picture of who I was, who I am today, and how I got there.

I don’t want to divulge too much of my personal story here, but I can divulge this.  I’ve battled a significant amount of chronic and incurable illness for the past 14 years.  I’ve covered my body in tattoos to show my strength and struggle and individuality.  And I’ve carried the spirits and songs of musicians and bands with me when I needed more than just myself to get through those times.  These 10 songs have been with me in all of the waiting rooms, doctor appointments, operating tables, hospital beds, and bottles of pills I’ve had to endure.  Without them, I wouldn’t have found the strength to make it.  In a weird way, the bands above are my friends.  They get me on a level that not many will ever be able to.  I am indebted to them and that is a debt I hope I never have to pay back.