So after about one year of training to get my body in the best shape as possible I lost my momentum. I remember the very first days of training were kind of hard but yet easy because I never put myself at the level of intensity as I did on the first day. Working hard today only makes tomorrow easier which is something I learned through training endlessly during that period. This journey, if that’s what you want to call it, is basically like a flight. My teachable moment is basically learning or doing something new is basically like a flight. Taking off is the part that requires the most fuel consumption because the plane is accelerating from 0 to 170 miles per hour. Taking off was the hardest part for me because that was the stage that I was building the most momentum. I was in the gym and running constantly and for the first month I felt like I was getting nowhere. At this point It was the demons that started to creep into my mind and tell me to quit. I basically told the demons to fuck off by continuing the accelaration by continuing to train. After Another month It was when I started to see some progress and at this point is when I realize I was midway down the runway. I told myself I couldn’t stop no matter how much I wanted to quit.
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I like the way the narrative started. It feels like the way a conversation starts, very natural. I also like how light-hearted and not heavy the narrative is. I think you can maybe use this to build up your conflict or start leading up to the conflict. You can use the conflict to darken the piece a bit if you want, it would create a comparison that would be interesting to read. It could also develop the piece so that it has a bit more complexity. Overall I think this is a good start.
There are two teachable moments within the piece, “working hard today only makes tomorrow easier” and “learning or doing something new is basically like a flight.” I would suggest working on one of these ideas rather than incorporating both into your narrative. There is a lede present but it needs to be worked on with more details. I would also add a few paragraphs before your first paragraph that describe why you started working out. That would maybe give the reader some background information. It would also be better to have the readers understand your motivation for working out as well as some of the struggles you face. I’m also not too sure what you meant by “basically like a flight” so maybe you can develop that more.
The writing was way too short. The intentions were clear. I feel like there was supposed to be more writing so I can’t exactly describe what happened in the end. I like how compassionate he is about having his dream body. The story make sense but like I said early, I need my writing in order to call this a story. A suggestion I would add is to describe what kind of workout you would do while you are at the gym. You should know you need to write more since if you combine all the comments, it would be more than the writing itself. Other than that, fix your grammar, I had to reread sentences over and over to understand what was happening