Thesis Statement 1:
The tensions that exist between the value systems of Li and Du Tenth not only end their relationship together, but more importantly, ultimately lead up to Du Tenth’s demise.
Thesis Statement 2:
Explicit differences in values of money, social class and pride can be seen between Li and Du Tenth, which significantly assist in developing the plot of the narrative.
4 responses so far ↓
y.kim // Oct 2nd 2015 at 12:39 am
I agree with your ideas about the different values Li and Du Tenth have. In order to go more in depth in your essay, I think you should be specific on Li and Du Tenth’s value systems, whether it’s love, money, social class, etc. or maybe touch up on all their conflicting value systems in each paragraph. Also, you should avoid rephrasing the essay prompt in your essay. Your second thesis is specific and it seems like a strong thesis! I really like your second thesis! Maybe you can get even more specific by explaining how Li and Du Tenth’s differences in values assist in developing the plot. In my opinion, you should somehow combine the first and second theses to create a powerful thesis that expresses your thoughts!
e.volynsky // Oct 2nd 2015 at 11:21 am
I am writing about the same topic as you are and I agree with the point you are making. The suggestion given by y.kim is similar to the one I was going to give. I would try to combine both of the above thesis statements to make a powerful one. If not then I would definitely try to make the first one a lot more specific. Why not include what specific value system you are referring to and will be addressing in your essay?
c.hazan // Oct 2nd 2015 at 8:11 pm
I really like the topic you chose. I feel that there’s so much you can expand on with this topic. Im actually writing about the difference in value systems as well in my thesis. However, I must agree that combining both to create one powerful statement would really add a lot to your position in your essay. I’ll give a small suggestion, which you do not need to take, but just to give an idea of what I mean. “There are strong apparent differences in the value systems of both Due Tenth and Li Jia which not only end their relationship but ultimately lead up to Du Tenth’s demise.” I hope this suggestion helps! I’d love to read your essay once it is done.
JMERLE // Oct 3rd 2015 at 3:17 pm
Joshua,
Both statements are interesting, but rather broad. In the first, you would need to specify what tensions and value systems you’re going to discuss, and in the second statement, while a bit more specific, you would need to discuss what you mean by developing the plot (which would mean a plot analysis, which might be rather time consuming, but interesting, if that’s want you want to do.) Also, in both, you would need to include an interpretive element (why the author is focusing on this issue).
Grade: 7/10