Who Am I?

Well, first of all, I will turn to the paramedics to check me if I am ok. Probably they will find out immediately that I have retrograde amnesia, because I won’t be able to give an answer to a simple question like where do you live or what my parents’ names and phone numbers are.  I’m sure that they will recommend that I should see a psychologist and that I will have to make an appointment with a MRI scan to see what’s going on in my head.  Finding out what my name is and where do I live will be the easiest part. After all, it is all written on my driver’s license which I carry everywhere.  I will probably ask the doctors to help me get my memory back and is there a pill, a drink or some voodoo ritual that can do the trick. Also I will ask them to help me get home and to send someone with me so that they will be able to explain to my parents what have happened. After I get home and see my parents I will ask them  to tell me who am I and to show me some pictures or documents that can help me remember my past.  I figure that no one else can tell me who I am and what I did in the past better than my parents.

I don’t even want to think of what my emotions will be in this situation. I will be so confused. I’m pretty sure that I will be wandering why am I able to speak another language more fluently than the language that everyone speaks around me and what kind of languages are they.   I will probably be scared and believe everything that people tell me about who I am.  I don’t think that I will turn around if someone shouts my name because I won’t be able to catch that they are referring to me, so the cocktail party effect will not work for my situation. I really don’t know what else I can feel. I think I will be going through what I have gone, in my first childhood years, when I was learning about the world around me.  It’s horrifying not to know who you are and who you can trust.

If I have the choice of choosing which memories I want to recover and which ones I want to repress, I don’t think I will want to repress any of them. Memories are my personal experiences. I learn through them and if I don’t know what my bad side looks like, how can I then recognize what is good in me. Good and Bad memories form our decision making process in the future. Of course I want to remember all of my happy and fun memories, but by remembering my bad memories I will be able to make a difference. Hopefully I will try to change and to apologies to everyone I have hurt in the past. I will try to do what’s right and what I should have done. That’s why I think that all memories should be kept. They define us, they help us, they save us. Who knows, maybe, losing my memories can be interpreted as a new beginning and gaining my memories back as a chance to fix my past so that I will have a better future.