I had trouble letting go of the past for many years. Past mistakes, decisions, and consequences haunted me everywhere I went. However, with the prevalence of social media, I was able to find many informative “reels” and “tiktoks” that helped my rumination. With this, I went on a trip down the rabbit hole, trying to come up with an answer of my own. Now, I aim to share some information I have gathered over the past few years with you, so we can all let go of our pasts and live a fruitful life.
Just like me, many people in this contemporary world have trouble letting go. How do I know this? This is shown evidently through the Google search trend; an increasing amount of searches with the keyword “how to let go of the past” has been happening since 2010 to present. A quick visit to viral videos on social media shows that the main demographic consuming these contents are young adolescents in their 20s.
So my question to you is, how do you exactly let go of the past? In order to figure this out, we need to systematically determine the term “letting go”. However, this is extremely difficult to do since it is a subjective experience that varies from person to person. For me, “letting go” means not letting your past mistakes define who you are today. I asked the same question to my brother, and he gave me a different answer. He replied with “not letting any negative intrusive thoughts define my actions”. Like this, your answer might be different as well. Regardless, there might be some basic ideas that connect us all.
As you might know, the exploration of personal development and emotional well-being, and the concept of “letting go” holds significance across various aspects of life, including relationships, self-perception, and overall mental health. In various articles I found, the authors seem to delve into their thematic exploration of releasing emotional burdens. By examining their narrative conventions, rhetorical appeals, and overall coherence, I aim to clarify the strategies employed by each author, utilizing both logos and pathos. Specifically, I will analyze the utilization of personal anecdotes, psychological insights, and practical techniques to minimize the complexities of the “letting go” process, making it much easier for you to understand. In the end, I hope this article will resonate with you within the realms of personal growth and well-being.
In the first article, “Transforming Emotional Memories: Unlocking the Path to Liberation,” by Hal Shorey Ph.D., Hal explores the process of releasing past emotional burdens through cognitive reprocessing and narrative therapy techniques. He does this by using relatable scenarios and references to popular films to illustrate common experiences of feeling trapped in repetitive patterns. Some movies include “Groundhog Day”, “Edge of Tomorrow”, and “Russian Doll”. You might have seen these before, but if you haven’t, I’ll give you a quick summary in one sentence: They live the same day over and over again. For example, in the article, Hal stated, “Do you ever feel that you’re stuck in a movie like Groundhog Day, where you just keep reliving the same experience over and over?” This comparison allows us to make the concept relatable but also emphasizes the struggle of letting go. We all know we would not want to live the same day over and over again. On top of his references to some popular films, Hal draws on his expertise in psychology by providing us with some practical steps for changing emotional memories supported by evidence and structured language. He first opens up by sharing a personal anecdote, revealing, “I did a great deal of inner-child work on my past and have practiced running happier scenarios through my mind.” Hal backs up his way of dealing with letting go of the past by referencing evidence, stating, “Freund et al. (2023) found that emotional memory can be changed…” His idea of dealing with the past sounds pretty intuitive and straightforward if you think about it. Change how you view memories, and you will soon associate negative emotions with positive ones. For example, in the movie listed above “Groundhog Day”, the main character of the movie was only able to change his outcome by changing the way he viewed his current situation.
Now let’s look at some more personal anecdotes. This time, it is from an article named, “88 things to let go to be happy” by Ade Aprilla. In this article, Ade goes on to make a list of mindful techniques she has adopted to let go of the past and live her own life. Although the credibility of this source only extends to certain people since this is a personal success story, it should at least be attempted. Some techniques seem very valuable, such as letting go of unrealistic expectations and self-doubting behaviors. She then supports her arguments by including quotes from renowned spiritual leaders and teachers such as Eckhart Tolle, who is one of contemporary’s most famous philosophers. She inserts a direct quote from him that says “The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive”. I believe that this quote is extremely powerful. It emphasizes the power of our brain and conveys that it has the power to enhance or destroy us. So if we are constantly using our brains anyway, why not use them for all the right reasons?
In the article I found, “Embracing Fresh Beginnings: The Strength of Letting Go,” by Jaimee Ratliff, the author adopts a more intimate and introspective approach to exploring the concept of letting go. She shares her anecdote when she says, “A few weeks ago I snapped that photo above, outside of my sister’s house, and shared it on social media. I captioned it with this quote: ‘The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let dead things go.'” As we can see, we are actively making a choice when we let things go. Just like the tree, a seemingly beautiful memory at one point in time can turn into a malicious one that haunts us in our present life. So, the best option is for us to let go. Jaimee also goes on to say “But the kind of letting go that involves a conscious choice versus a physical action, can be extremely challenging and scary. It can also be painful as hell if it’s not something you’re ready to do: especially if your heart and mind are singing two different songs” This saying deeply resonates with me as letting go of something in the past might be difficult, but we must take decisive action to do so. Just like Eckhart Tolle said in the previous article, we can use our beautiful minds to engage in so many wonderful activities. Holding onto our past is an extremely harmful behavior so why do we keep on engaging in it?
One of the reasons why holding on to the past is so harmful is due to our human nature. We as a species are so prone to self-criticize and dwell on past events. This prevents us from taking decisive actions in the future in fear of what happened in the past. This can be related to past relationships, failures, and regrets. However, in the article, “How to let go of the past”, by Jayne Leonard, shows us how important it is to let go of memories. She writes “Feelings of unresolved anger, betrayal, and resentment are common among those who struggle to let go of a past event”. This shows that nothing positive comes out from rumination about the past, and if we just let go of our anger and resentment towards whatever we are disturbed with, it would bring peace of mind. Jayne goes on to say that “If letting go of the past is proving challenging and negative thoughts and emotions persist for weeks or months, people can consider seeing a therapist.” I totally agree with her in this statement. While I have no personal experiences with therapy, I have encountered numerous stories about my friends who benefitted from therapy, proclaiming that it had improved the quality of their lives significantly.
Apart from personal anecdotes and interpretations, I want to talk about some scientific backgrounds of the phenomenon as well. As shown in the research article, “What makes memories stronger”, it is shown that humans engage in selective memory processes where we remember events that have more significance better compared to others. The research states that “When we experience something important, we usually remember it better over time. This enhanced memory can be the result of stronger memory encoding during the experience, or because of memory consolidation that takes place after the experience.” This might be the reasoning behind why we sometimes struggle to let go of the past; some particular memories might be more ingrained into our brains, specifically in the hippocampus. So in essence, we are biologically driven to remember certain memories even though it might enable unnecessary rumination and negative feelings. However, this process can also be reversed as shown in the next article.
In another research article “Forgetting Unwanted Memories” by Marco Costanzi et al, they explain the process behind actively suppressing unwanted memories. They state that “Intrusive memories are a common feature of many psychopathologies, and suppression-induced forgetting of unwanted memories appears as a critical ability to preserve mental health.” It is pretty obvious, but it is alarming that constantly thinking about the past and not being able to let go is linked to various mental disorders such as depression and PTSD. All hope is not lost though, as there are ways in stopping rumination that have proven to have a biological explanation behind it. The article states that “In intentional forgetting, an inhibitory control mechanism suppresses awareness of unwanted memories at encoding or retrieval”. Okay. So you’re telling me to not think about the past, I just don’t think about the past? That is correct. There have been so many instances where I am so harshly critical about past mistakes I make when I can actively make the decision to not think about it. I understand that it might be difficult to engage in intentional forgetting, but I urge you, the next time you make a mistake, do not put much thought into it.
As you can see, all the authors and research articles converge on a single point: The process of letting go as a means of achieving personal growth and emotional well-being. I don’t know about you, but reading these has empowered me to initiate my journey of emotional healing and transformation of my own mental health. Now I want to provide you with my own anecdote. Throughout my life, there have been so many opportunities I have missed out on due to the fear of “what if it happens again”. Whether it was in sports, my personal YouTube channel, or my academic achievements, I realized the toxic cycle I would constantly put my mind in. What I have learned throughout my life again and again is this: letting go of the past is a key aspect of having a successful future.
On that note, I would like to end my paper with one of my favorite quotes from the movie Kung Fu Panda. The quote by Master Oogway in the movie reads, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” Like this quote, I hope everyone can let go of past grievances and live life to the fullest potential, as life is the biggest blessing to mankind.