Hi Kenlee,
I really liked the questions that you posed in your intro. It definitely caught my attention.
My feedback would focus on separating your evidence into a different paragraph. For the introduction, you could integrate your topic sentences about what your paragraphs after the intro would be about. That way, the evidence you mentioned could be used as your analysis, and you could further analyze it. Then introduce the following paragraph about age.
A minor point is I liked the way you introduced the certain interventions and style you would be talking about. And proceeded to break into the specific details.
Overall, great start!
From,
Lisbeth
Hi Kenlee,
I liked how you went into detail about the comparison between the two articles and also your initial hook question.
My feedback to you would be to just space out your writing, so breaking it up into paragraphs and small minor gramma improvements.
A minor point I liked was that you also made the audience think about themselves rather than the ausiance just reading about you and your experience.
Over all, I can see the potential the essay has and have a lot of great point snad articles use to further build upon.
Aida
2 replies on “Assignment #2”
Hi Kenlee,
I really liked the questions that you posed in your intro. It definitely caught my attention.
My feedback would focus on separating your evidence into a different paragraph. For the introduction, you could integrate your topic sentences about what your paragraphs after the intro would be about. That way, the evidence you mentioned could be used as your analysis, and you could further analyze it. Then introduce the following paragraph about age.
A minor point is I liked the way you introduced the certain interventions and style you would be talking about. And proceeded to break into the specific details.
Overall, great start!
From,
Lisbeth
Hi Kenlee,
I liked how you went into detail about the comparison between the two articles and also your initial hook question.
My feedback to you would be to just space out your writing, so breaking it up into paragraphs and small minor gramma improvements.
A minor point I liked was that you also made the audience think about themselves rather than the ausiance just reading about you and your experience.
Over all, I can see the potential the essay has and have a lot of great point snad articles use to further build upon.
Aida