(Host): Hello everyone, and welcome back again to Maya on the Radio! As usual, I am your host, Maya Leighann McFarlane, and I’d like to thank everyone for listening in.
Our topic today is something that has actually been sent in by one of our listeners asking for advice. Ms. Anonymous writes:
“Hi, Maya! I am a 35-year-old woman, and I am still having issues with my mother. My life growing up was very hard. My mom was a single mom taking care of my four other siblings and me, and since life for her was very stressful, she would often get drunk and would become very verbally and physically abusive. As I was the oldest, I often got the worst of the treatment. My mom would criticize me if I did not help out with my siblings or if I got home late. She would say very disrespectful things that no one should ever say to their children, and on her worse days, the abuse would turn physical, and sometimes we would even get into physical fights. This caused me to grow apart from my mother, and I became independent at a very young age. Of course, as a minor, there was not much that I could do to stop her. I never, at that age, thought of leaving home, and instead, I bore through it until I was able to go to college and start a life of my own. I am now successful and married with two beautiful children of my own. I keep in contact with my mom and the rest of us, but little has changed: she is still the same abusive woman whom I know from my childhood, still saying mean and hurtful things and still threatening to hurt me. However, this time she also constantly asks me for help and money. My husband and my other siblings think that she doesn’t deserve it and that I should cut her off, but I find that hard to do as she is the woman who raised and birthed me. I also want my children to know her, but not if she is going to do the same thing to them. What should I do, Maya?”
Hi, Ms. Anonymous. Thank you for sharing your story, and know that, surprisingly, you are not alone in this predicament. If you truly feel that your mother is creating a toxic environment, then I cannot encourage you to allow that to continue. It would be in your best interest, Ms. Anonymous, to cut your mother off and focus on your life and the rest of your family who actually loves you in a healthy way. Though it may be hard or scary, try to explain to your mother why you are choosing to leave her in the past. She may be willing to hear your side, or she may not, but do not do it for her. Do it for yourself! There may be a chance for reconciliation later in your lives, but that takes time and growth. You deserve a healthy family.