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Assignment 2 Draft

As humans we tend to overshadow our physical/mental health with the endeavors in which we place ourselves in our everyday lives. When we are met with unwarranted situations regarding our health we undergo a feeling of “why me” or a strong aggrievement which may leave us unmotivated when recovering from the trauma of these health concerns. Looking into the phenological systems in which us humans innately react to these situations at hand to how we combat these initial feelings we may be able to find more effective treatment to ensure that our ability to adapt back into the world after such procedures go smoothly. Oksana Kamenskaya and Craig Talmage are two of the many drivers who facilitated research on the ability to overcome health consciousness through statistical and cultural data in Russia and in ethnic communities in the United States. Talmage and Kamenskaya utilize logos, ethos and conversion as operators to demonstrate that health in the sense of attaining consciousness is pivotal to enhance the possibility of a favorable quality of life. 

When discussing health consciousness Talmage provides us with the necessary factors that contribute to the ability to prevent a warped mental health when coming off a life-changing health detriment which is phrased by Talmage saying  “Health disparities are differences that are experienced by individuals that face economic, environmental, or social disadvantages or injustices” (399). Access to healthcare is something easier said than done. When the lack of health-related resources is coupled with the inability to sustain a structured life after being put into the hospital new issues begin to sprout ahead of our knowledge. With thorough experimentation Talmage had with individuals of diverse backgrounds such as those of Latino descent, Asian descent and overall non-english speaking participants had shared that the key to sustaining a higher quality of life was general access to health care systems which ultimately is the key driver in being able to carry on about our everyday responsibilities with these participants coming to a consensus where “Mental health was also viewed as important to quality of life but was seen by many, especially non-English speakers and those of Asian descent, as hindered by the over- prioritization of productivity in American culture, which breeds too much stress.” (405). Viewing the converging viewpoints of our non-english speaking participants of Talmages experiment we get an understanding that even the disadvantaged in the modern world in the United States can agree that “high quality of life meant having the health, ability (functioning), and freedom, as well as extra time and money, to enjoy life, pursue one’s goals, make healthy choices, develop and nurture relationships” (405). Talmage’s accounts of these participants require use of logos in which we acknowledge the minorities of the United States perspectives on how health care and health consciousness is something that we must collectively turn our attention to for it is the main motor to commence proper living. 

Further demonstrating a discovery in the field of health consciousness is Kamenskaya who introduces us to the way in which Russian patients suffer from chronic thromboembolic pulmonary hypertension, a lung condition which ultimately leaves patients post-surgery with a life expectancy of only a handful of years. Similar to Talmage, Kamensky uses survey based research using individuals who suffer from the lung condition (CTEPH) and monitors their overall physical/mental health through a long term follow-up (PTE) in order to measure the overall quality of life (HRQoL). Early on it was figured out that “The leading factor adversely affecting the physical and emotional components of health in the long-term period after PTE was residual pulmonary hypertension recorded in the early postoperative period” (2116). Given that CTEPH is the leading cause of the skyrocketing physical distress of our experimentees, a solution needed to be figured out to denature this poor HRQol it was leaving. Patients had undergone PTE and had undergone “a significant improvement in the level of HRQoL in long-term follow-up was in connection with the gradual improvement of the structural and functional parameters of the heart, in particular the right ventricle.” (2116). In order for our patients to limit and eliminate this lung condition that had been killing them at a faster rate than they initially thought they had to participate and consciously agree to the medical procedure which ultimately they could only rely on the judgment of medical professionals (PTE). The binding agreement of our patients was the simple human regard to the health in which they continuously make effort to preserve. Both Talmage and Kamensky utilize these logos in their research based discovery experiment as well as ethos in their ability to organize and successfully produce work that includes first hand accounts of communities and individuals in the health world. 

2 replies on “Assignment 2 Draft”

Hi Miguel,

Your intro is good and your thesis is good as it states the 3 differences/similarities. However, I think it might be a bit wordy, so it might be possible for you to condense the writing a bit.
I think your topic sentences could use a bit of work, as I feel like there’s more of a focus on the subject matter, rather than the rhetorical tools the authors use in their writing. This issue is the main issue I see within your writing. While you do a good job explaining the author’s argument and what it is, the focus of the essay should be on how they use it. I don’t think the professor cares for the subject matter, as he’s looking for the comparison of the 2 ways the author argue their subject matter.

Good luck on the rest of your essay!

Hi Miguel,

I think the overall structure of your introduction is great. Just remove a bunch of unnecessary material. The topic sentences heavily revolve around the subject matter of the articles, while you should more so be comparing the structures of the articles.

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