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Stories from New York Immigrants

Necessary Neglect

December 12, 2013 by Michael Wang

Andy Deng doesn’t speak to his parents much. It isn’t because they have a strained relationship or anything of the sort. They just usually never meet.

Known as Dandy amongst his friends, Deng spends his weekdays at school and weekends with friends. His parents, first-generation immigrants from China, work six to seven days a week. The only time the family really gets together is during the holidays or that one rare Sunday when they can take off work early.

“They’re always working,” says Deng. “I’ve always just took care of myself.”

An increasing number of Asian American youths wrestle with biculturalism and have trouble defining their cultural identity, according to the Asian American Federation (AAF), leading to problems ranging from academic underachievement and low self-esteem to depression and substance abuse.

“I think I turned out all right,” says Deng. “I guess I just got used to them not being around.”

Neglect is an issue for many immigrant families as a result of financial difficulty, according to a report by The Coalition for Asian American Children and Families (CACF).

https://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/origins/wp-content/blogs.dir/2923/files/2013/12/Necessary-Neglect-Audio-1.mp3
Above: Lin Jian Man, Deng’s second aunt, comments on how, despite the hardships, someone should always be around.

Lin Jian Ping, she is Deng’s aunt and currently lives with Deng and his family having immigrated to the US a year ago. While neglect can be an issue that many immigrant families deal with, Lin believes that the hardships of immigration gives parents little to no choice in the matter.

“You can’t control it. There’s no way to control it,” says Lin. “How do you control it? They don’t want it to be this way. Who under normal circumstances wants it like this? No one wants it to be this way.”

Bicycles lean against the red, brick walls of the building on Barclay Avenue where Deng lives. Yellow guardrails with hints of rust run along the perimeter of the small balconies protruding from the second and third floors. These balconies house yet more bicycles. Blue and red plastic bags that obscure their contents sit alongside them.

“Some keep old soda or beer cans in them so they can recycle them for money later at the local Target,” says Deng.

In 2010, a study done by the Center for American Progress, found that nearly 45 percent of families with children had both parents working. As a result, only 28.7 percent children have a stay-at-home parent compared to 52.6 percent in 1975.

Poverty rates for the Chinese are within 5 percent of city averages for all age groups apart from those over the age of 65, who have a rate of 30.5 percent — 11.8 percent higher than the city average, according to the Asian American Federation’s Census Information Center (CIC).

The median family income for the Chinese population in New York City was $47,131 compared to the $55,434 citywide median income, according to the Asian American Federation.

“I don’t think we’re poor,” says Deng. “It might take a little more saving and time so you just have to really decide how badly you want something.”

Education is frequently touted as the best method for an individual to climb out of poverty but the Chinese in New York also lag behind in education, according to CIC statistics; 38 percent in 2011 did not have a high school diploma.

https://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/origins/wp-content/blogs.dir/2923/files/2013/12/Necessary-Neglect-Audio-2.mp3
Above: Lin Jian Man comments on how poverty is not a legitimate argument for neglect in the United States.

“Our generation…you think we always had the option to go to college?” says Lin. “It doesn’t matter how smart you are, [college] is not a given.”

Chinese households also tend to be larger, averaging 3.12 people per household compared to 2.63 for the average New York City household, according to statistics compiled by the CIC.

Inside the apartment where Deng lives, the kitchen, dining room, and living room are all one room. The bureau doubles as a stand for the television and the dining table doubles as the home for all sort of miscellany from keys and mail to pots and pans. The bedrooms have only enough space for a bunk bed and a desk. Some sacrifice door mobility by squeezing a closet or shelf behind the door.

Language is perhaps the most obvious impediment for immigrants. According to AAF statistics, 63 percent of Chinese adults aged 18-64 had English limitations compared to 24 percent for all New Yorkers. Communication between parents and their children can be difficult as a result.

“It’s not surprising,” Lin says. “Take the neighbors down the street for example. It’s only the grandmother and her daughter that speak Chinese. The two sons don’t understand any of it. But their father is a westerner, so maybe it’s less strange.”

Two aunts and an uncle now live with Deng and his parents in a small apartment on the edge of Flushing. With so many mouths to feed, everyone needs to chip in their fair share of six- to seven-day work weeks. Everyone apart from Deng is approaching retirement age as the youngest occupant not named “Dandy” is 56 years old.

“I’m heading out!” Deng shouts from the kitchen/dining/living room. His aunt yells back in acknowledgement.

“I think he turned out fine,” says Lin. “Given the circumstances, you can’t really ask for much more. [Other parents] might not be as lucky.”

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