Many wish to know how people become so successful in their career, so that they can incorporate those experiences to be successful like them. I realized the significance of perseverance, and embracing the “never give up” mindset allowed me to truly see the results and success that hardwork can pay off. Having a chance to be engaged in a real world working experience has been an eye opener for students like myself. In Asia is becoming the world’s largest unemployment continent in the world many tend to give up very easily which can lead to bad health. In Asia, it’s a tradition for us young generation to help our parents in any way shape of form. In our dictionary, failure can be accepted because we try our hardest to give our family the best life possible. But, giving up is not an option as our ancestors taught us that “You haven’t tried hard enough, why are you giving up so early, your still young there’s still time to learn unlike us we are old and cannot learn as fast as you, so keep trying and never give up”. Hearing the this statement made me felt a sense of responsibility and a maturity. These moments should be cherished and kept in your heart at all times as we are very fortunate to have an education compared to others. As individuals dedicate themselves to the pursue their degree, they must remain mindful of the emotional and behavioral consequences that may occur in their academic journey. Undoubtedly, hard work and perseverance does pay off, but they come at a cost that can trigger a variety of feelings whether it’s good or bad. While some may be satisfied with their accomplishments, others may have a strong affection of regret. The opportunity cost of achieving one’s educational goals can cause different emotions to occur. Such factors can trigger feelings of unhappiness and strain one’s mental health due to financial burdens and a lack of perseverance in achieving their dream job. I’ve conducted a survey involving 100 of my peers in their perseverance in enjoying their major studies. The results show that most of my peer’s regret choosing their major and wish they could have changed for a more demanding career. This regret was made by the realization of changing paths might ease them a bit but, in the long run, expenses are still building up. It is from self-thought and reflection that I personally draw my motivation to pursue a career as a public accountant, understanding that this choice will be a part of my life throughout the challenges I am going to have to face. It’s stated that everyone wishes others to succeed in their career. But what happens to those who didn’t succeed and failed to persevere. My advice is to continue to work hard and never give up. It’s ok to fail and everyone is understanding; it’s a matter of whether you give up or not. A well-known millionaire named Manny Khoshbin started from nothing and worked his way up. The success from this man demonstrates how people who are not afraid to fail and continue their career will one day succeed and be able to influence others in succeeding to. Hearing the words from his mouth really inspired me to work very hard in my accounting career. In conclusion, teachable moments are often moments that are memorable and being able to influence others with those moments. These moments really shape who I am here today. Being exposed to the teachable moments allows me to really apply the experiences I have learned from them to my career. These moments are crucial to me as I plan to apply these teachable moments in the near future. Life is all about trials and errors, it’s a matter of how you fix your mistakes and have a good mentality in succeeding in your career.
4 thoughts on “The Importance of Perservance”
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Hi QingYi Bao (Steven),
Thank you for sharing your story.
My main feedback for revision revolves around protagonist’s character development and personalizing the narrative.
– I like that you listed the theme of your essay in your introduction and set up questions for the reader like how you learned from your teachable moment. However, I think it is unneeded to write “in this essay, we will explore” because its already implied that your going to be talking about your teachable moment. Instead, you can just state what you learned and then the expectation will be that you will further clarify in the rest of the essay/ narrative.
– I like how you brought up the expectations your family set on you, it helps the reader understand your values. However, I think the essay feel its going over general ideas rather than focusing on the narrative and the moment itself. The essay doesn’t seem personal but general statements. I think you should include more personal events and details that relate back to the ideas and claims stated in the essay.
A few minor points:
– I think it would be helpful to reword the essay and go back and take out a few unneeded and disrupting words and ideas. There are a few errors will grammar and repetition in the essay which can interferes with making your ideas an overall message. Going back and fixing up these errors will help your readers better understand you and your teachable moment.
A few questions to be clarified:
– When growing up, how have your parents placed these expectations on you? I think it would be helpful to talk a little about your childhood and how you were personally affected by these expectations.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or queries relating to the above.
Regards,
Grishma Kadel
Hi Steven,
Thank you for sharing your story.
The lede is in the first paragraph which has varying topics. I think you can expand upon the moments that “should be cherished”. Are they moments of working through obstacles in your education? What are these moments specifically? Instead of having so many topics, you should choose one to focus on. It seems like what made you want to never give up is your parents and your culture, so explaining that further could be good. Talk more about what motivated you to not want to give up. You talk more about teachable moments and what they are rather than a moment you learned and grew from. You can talk about how you persevered throughout your education and how it helps to achieve the goal of a successful career.
Regards,
Adiva Amir
Hi Steven,
Thank you for sharing your story.
– Your lede is clear. You want to express to the reader why perseverance is crucial to success. I do, though, think it is unnecessary to blatantly tell the reader what they will learn. It is expected you will explain that throughout your piece.
A few minor points:
– Grammatical errors, wordy sentences, word choice.
A few questions to be clarified:
– Can you talk more about the health problems? It seems like that is what you are persevering through, yet we don’t hear much about it. Discuss the relevance of your survey in this context.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or queries relating to the above.
Regards,
Juliana Wilson
Hi Steven,
I think your essay have changed a lot after the needed changes and edits made. I think you fid a good job explaining your points and getting the actual point of the essay done!
Regards
Rupinder Kaur