As the mother of a then 12-year-old boy, I was familiar with the anticipation children radiate during the holiday season. Their minds revolve around the mystery of Christmas presents and the excitement of the upcoming holiday break. However, Christmas of 2014 held a different significance. It was the day my son silently confronted his emotional development, marking an unforgettable point in his journey in emotional maturity. In the heart of that summer, my father’s health started declining. The dreadful diagnosis was lung cancer. As my father’s physical strength declined, he remained bedridden. One memory that stays with me is when my sister and I assisted him to drink coffee in the kitchen, and even in his frail state, he thanked us, saying, “Ay Mi hija, gracias, no se que yo hice para merecer esto”. Not thinking it was possible but making us love and appreciate him even more.
When my father passed away at the age of 95, we encircled his bed, forming a silent acknowledgment of the unfolding reality. His departure created a weird feeling in the room, filling us with a unique mix of grief and love. As a mother, witnessing my son, a child too young to fully comprehend the gravity of the situation, trying to deal with such a deep loss, was particularly heart-wrenching. The days following my father’s death were dreary, punctuated with tears and remembrances. Despite the sorrow I felt, I could see over time how this loss was shaping my son, transforming him into a more empathetic individual.
However, my son often held back his emotions, comparing his grief to others and perceiving it as “not as bad”. I watched him embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing through therapy, where he slowly learned to unravel his tangled emotions. Yet, he still often remained reserved, a lingering cloud of grief he had silently burdened on himself for so long. If I could change one thing about that day, it would be to remind my son to “let it out” and show how much love he had for his grandfather. I wished he had allowed his emotions to flow freely, expressing his love for his grandfather openly.
Even today, the lessons from my father’s life continue to resonate within my son. His passing was not only a loss but a teachable moment about embracing vulnerability, cherishing our loved ones, and expressing our emotions fearlessly. I hope my son continues to apply these teachings throughout his life, becoming more open and unafraid to share his feelings, as life rarely offers second chances.