Draft

Robert Torres

Prof. Ding

English 2150

Even though it is a universal human experience, grief is fundamentally unique and differs widely from person to person. This essay compares multiple articles, including, “Grieving Well: How Grief Has Changed Me for the Better” from The Grief Toolbox and “Is Personal Growth Following Grief Possible?” from Heart In Diamond to a personal account of the life-changing development after the death of my beloved grandfather.

Personal growth following a significant loss isn’t prescriptive but varies significantly from person to person, depending on their unique grieving process. Some individuals may find themselves delving deeper into spirituality, while others might realize an increased resilience or a renewed sense of living in the present moment, reflecting on the volatility of life. It’s not unusual to witness various forms of personal transformation, such as the emergence of previously hidden talents or the strengthening of relationships between two (or more) individuals grappling with a loss.

The sense of loss triggers a complex mix of emotions, such as anger, depression, and bitterness. It’s important to remember that these negative emotions, though inevitable in the early stages of grief, can eventually give way to positive outcomes over time. When my grandfather passed away, my initial reaction was to shell up emotionally and essentially block out the “noise”. However, after I got passed the “initial stages of grief”, I began to naturally see my resilience build up over time and make me a stronger individual overall.

Grief counselor Paul Parkin emphasizes the power of allowing oneself to not only mourn the loss but also celebrate the life of the departed, which can aid in moving forward (1.2). As someone who has experienced significant loss, I can attest that personal growth can indeed arise from grief. The journey through grief can result in increased patience, kindness, acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude, among other positive traits. Seeing the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” isn’t easy when all you see is darkness, but as difficult as it may be, being patient with not only your environment but also yourself is crucial to the healing process.  This growth, though unexpected, is a testament to the human capacity to evolve and adapt in the face of suffering 

It’s crucial to remember that these changes usually take time to manifest and are often recognized only after one has taken steps to heal and allowed time to pass by.  While for some people personal growth may come from grief, it is important to note that we may all have Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but not have what is called Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) (1.3), although both stem from an event that caused us severe pain, PTG is the positive psychological change that some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event. Remember to note that this doesn’t numb or intensify grief, but rather PTG arises from the coping mechanisms individuals use to deal with grief, co-existing with the pain and hardship of the loss. Coping mechanisms can range from exercising or getting lost in a good book to escape reality. As mentioned before, many people may break through and become better people, but what about those who don’t? Many people take a turn for the worst and life’s hardships become too much and force them to be on a lifestyle that has them dependent on drugs, cause self-inflicted pain, or even a co-dependency of being with somebody just to not be alone. 

The unexpected loss of a parent or child specifically can cause a spiraling depression, that may even cost somebody their life. In many families, the death of a parent means increased pressures for the grieving child to take on the responsibilities of the dead parent and to isolate from friends. From my experience, I felt like I had to take on the burden of responsibilities left behind by my grandfather. Leaving me to reinforce the statement “I grew up too soon”, leaving me to feel as if I did not get the chance to enjoy childhood like my peers and others did. On top of that, this grief at such a young age could result in the child’s poor psychosocial well-being, changes in behavior, an increase in stress, and sleep disturbances​​. (1.4)

In conclusion, while the articles and the personal narrative each argue for the potential of personal growth through grief, they employ different narrative structures, emotional appeals, and modes of establishing credibility. The Grief Toolbox utilizes a direct narrative, while Heart In Diamond and the personal narrative share a more emotional storytelling approach. Each offers valuable perspectives on the transformative power of grief, demonstrating the multifaceted nature of this universal human experience.

The aftermath of a loss can spark significant changes in a person’s character, whether those changes are related to a person’s improved spirituality, resilience, or ability for valuing the present. These developments do not, however, lessen the sorrow of loss, and those who are mourning have to deal with a wide range of complicated emotions.  Even as personal growth emerges from grief, it co-exists with pain and distress, which is a testament to the human spirit’s amazing resiliency. The fact that not everyone undergoes posttraumatic development (PTG) must be emphasized. Some people may experience serious consequences after the loss, such as dependency, self-inflicted harm, or sinking into depression.

For some people, like me, it could accelerate forward the process of becoming an adult and increase responsibility to the point where they sometimes take priority over other things in life, like having fun as a child. In a world where loss is an unavoidable part of life, understanding the potential pathways of personal growth and acknowledging the unique nature of grief can help in nurturing empathy and providing support to those navigating their journeys of loss. Through this exploration of grief and growth, we can better comprehend the human capacity to transform the pain from grief into strength, resilience, and genuine personal development.

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Works Cited

“Grieving Well: How Grief Has Changed Me for the Better.” The Grief Toolbox, www.thegrieftoolbox.com/article/grieving-well-how-grief-has-changed-me-better. Accessed 30 July 2023. (1.1)

“Is Personal Growth Following Grief Possible?” Heart In Diamond, www.heart-in-diamond.com/cremation-diamonds/interviews/is-personal-growth-following-grief-possible.html. Accessed 30 July 2023. (1.2) 

“Posttraumatic Growth after Loss.” What’s Your Grief, 2023, https://whatsyourgrief.com/posttraumatic-growth-after-loss/ (1.3)

“Parenting For Brain.” How Does The Death Of A Parent Affect A Child,

https://www.parentingforbrain.com/death-of-a-parent/ (1.4)