Part 4:
Original: “You clim up to your room, go in, and brace yourself against the door as if you were afraid someone would follow you: painting sweating, victim of your horror, of your certainty. If something or someone should try to enter, you wouldn’t be able to resist, you’d move away from the door, you’d let it happen. Frantically you drag the armchair over to that latchless door, push the bed up against it, than fall onto the bed, exhausted, drained of your willpower, with your eyes closed and your arms wrapped around your pillow-the pillow that isn’t yours. Nothing is yours” (845).
First person:
I climbed up to my room to go in and braced myself against the door as if I was afraid someone was following me: painting, sweating, victim of my horror, of my certainty. If something or someone should try to enter, I wouldn’t be able to resist, I would have to move away from the door and let it happen. Frantically, I dragged the armchair over to the latchless door, and pushed the bed up against it, than I fell into the bed, exhausted, drained from my willpower, with my eyes closed and my arms wrapped around my pillow-the pillow that isn’t mine. Nothing is mine.
Third person:
He climbed up to his room, went in, and he braced himself against the door as if he was afraid someone would follow him: painting, sweating, victim of his horror, of his certainty. If something or someone should try to enter, he wouldn’t be able to resist, he would have to move away from the door, and he would let it happen. Frantically he grabbed the armchair over to the latchless door pushed the bed up against it, than fell onto the bed, exhausted, drained of his willpower, with his eyes closed and his arms wrapped around his pillow-the pillow that isn’t his. Nothing is his.
It was very difficult switching from second person to third person, the tense of the words had to be changed a lot at there was a lot of awkward sense structures that just didn’t feel or sound right. I also had to add some connecting words like and or to in order for the sentence to make any sense in third person.
-Kelly Kay
As I was reading the original, I wanted to do those actions, such as panting and beginning to be afraid of some unknown thing. It forced me to think a certain way and allowed me to connect with the protagonist and even imagine that I AM the protagonist. It wasn’t possible, though, for me to do the same thing with the third person perspective because I’m not a He, and it’s hard for me to not treat it as a story because it is about someone else, who I don’t know. With the first person perspective, It was a little better for me to connect, because “I” sets the tone for the story that make it seem like a friend is telling me a story about himself/herself. It becomes rather informal. It induces me to want to create a connection between my friend and me. However, since it is in a first person perspective, perhaps I wouldn’t have taken the action of climbing up to the room, because I am a different entity.
The second person gives me no option to think that the protagonist isn’t me, because it is demanding me to connect with the protagonist. It is a really effective method, though.
I really like the passage you chose because it made me realize that it is a lot easier for me to relate to the story when reading it in first person. As Mel mentioned, it makes it seem as if a friend is narrating the story and telling us exactly what happened and how he/she felt. Since it is not a narrator, such as in third person POV, I feel more obligated to pay attention so that I can possibly empathize and understand their feelings. It is also a lot easier to relate because we can more easily picture ourselves in the person’s shoes.
Reading the translation from the second person to the third person seems so distant like I’m reading about something that took place in the past or a story someone else it telling me whereas second person makes me feel fear and uncertainty that the main character is feeling. First person for me is usually a hit or miss if I’ll be able to still connect with the text or not and in this excerpt’s translation there was a huge disconnect in the emotions for me and was very bland to read. But I believe you did a great job being able to switch between the POVs and having the tenses flow well with it still.
-Vyonna