The Electoral College gives an unfair advantage to smaller states. The number of representatives is connected to the size and population of a state. A presidential candidate may focus their campaigned on a state with more electoral votes because it is in their interest to win it. Smaller states such as New Hampshire may get less attention from the candidates because the number of votes may not be worth the time. The number of representatives per state can be an issue due to the impact it can have on the election. States such as New York, California, Florida, and Texas are large in size and population meaning they have a large number of representatives. If a candidate prioritizes these states and wins them, they will have a very large advantage over the competition. In Brazil, every vote is counted equal and the President is elected on popular vote. This system is independent and it would be different than what is used currently.
This paragraph is clearly showing how the small states have an unfair advantage because of the Electoral college. You gave good examples to support this. When a candidate gives less attention to the small states, it brings problems to the election. People living there will feel ignored and sense of inferiority can take place and this feeling of ignorance can impact the political views for those parties. You can write about that in your essay to strengthen it. Ultimately, this won’t also not be forgotten that sometimes a single vote can change the whole election. Taking these perspectives into consideration will add to your paragraph.
Hamza Khokar
I believe that this interesting paragraph. I believe that you did a nice job introducing the subject and explaining it. Interesting examples such as the specific states you mentioned like New York, California, etc. Using the states helped to back up information that was given. One thing that can make the paragraph more effective would be to have more specific examples. Possibly, you can give examples of previous elections and the influence that might have in the future. Generally, the more specific you can get the stronger your argument will be. I believe in order to make your paragraphs more effective you have to be very specific with each aspect. Lastly, you should wrap up the paragraph with a stronger sentence.
This paragraph is very well written and focused. I think what makes this paragraph strong is that it starts with a clear topic sentence, which the rest of the paragraph follows. The use of examples also makes this a very strong paragraph. Stating specific states, New Hampshire as small and New York/California/Florida as large is very important. You cold talk about when this happened in a specific election and which states were ignored or paid special attention to by the candidates. You could also continue to explain what the benefits and drawbacks of this. Separately I think this paragraph could do without the last sentence because I personally think this is a given. The concluding sentence could be much stronger.
Meirav Weintraub
The paragraph is well written and well structured. It has a clear topic sentence that lets the reader know what the main point is and then it is supported by hypothetical examples. The paragraph ends with an analysis and a possible alternative to what is a flawed system. If the author wanted they could probably give more specific examples of instances when politicians overlooked smaller states in favor of bigger ones and how it may have possibly affected any outcomes.
This paragraph is well written and and has a lot of good points. The topics sentence of this paragraph is sweet and simple. It hits the home run in one shot. When the author says “The Electoral College gives an unfair advantage to smaller states.” they tell their reader that there is a flaw, according to the writer, in our voting system. They used enough evidence in the later paragraph to support their topics sentence. Everything in the paragraph is connected to the topic sentence. The paragraph is perfectly written and everything is connected under the umbrella of the topic statement.
Gaurav Gupta
After reading this paragraph, it is evident that the importance of the electoral college is stressed heavily. The paragraph is straight and to the point, which is what makes it so effective. The examples provided within the paragraph show the difference between the electoral system of the different states and comparing them to each other, as well as other countries within the world. It is important to note that the comparison between our system and the system within Brazil glimpses at the stance of the writer. The paragraph was written very well and effectively. Nice job!
Arraf Ahmed
Joel, Hamza, and Meirav,
You all comment on the topic of the paragraph, which is, actually, a very good idea for a thesis statement and introductory paragraph, but this is not a body paragraph. A body paragraph is one small aspect of the larger argument (perhaps an example of a small state benefitting).
You all comment on the topic, but you needed to comment on a different aspect of the paragraph for this assignment. Remember to think about the various parts of the analysis paragraph as you write your essays.
Grade for group’s comments: 8/10