Transitions were never a big deal for me during my early childhood, elementary and middle school, because I never really had to do them. In elementary school, most students stayed and went to the middle school that was a part of the elementary school. Even though this made my early childhood easy, it made the later part of it very difficult. First when I went to a newly built high school I felt very nervous because I didn’t know whether I would have a friendly high school experience or not. However, it was very difficult to join groups that had already been made, all the high school students came from the same middle school because the high school was an extension of the middle school. Then, I started complying to the bullies demands so that I wouldn’t have to deal with to much trouble. To them I probably looked indifferent or emotionless on the outside, however, on the inside I felt very afraid and ashamed of myself for giving in. There were times where I just wanted to give up and stop going to school because I was annoyed at the bullies and at myself. The workload and content of the classes weren’t difficult for me, so I was able to get by without putting in much effort. When I started to fight back, physically, I was proud of myself for standing up for myself. However, once the consequences came afterwards, suspension, I started getting furious and disappointed in myself for acting so quickly. My unassertiveness and low self esteem made it really difficult to ever feel “at home” in my high school, so I ended up feeling displace the whole four years.

Transition into college wasn’t as negative as my transition into high school. I felt nervous and still do feel nervous about being in another new environment. However, since it takes a very long time for me to get used to an environment, I don’t think I can ever belong to a place. Another reason why I feel displaced at college is because I feel pressure to perform as well as all the top students. It is difficult for me to do that because most of my life I was able to get by with little effort. I thought that college was only to require just a bit more effort than high school, but not to much, to do well. Having those bad expectations and hopes, did not benefit me. It is still very early to tell if I will feel displaced all the four years at this college, but I still think that every transition has some feeling of displacement behind it.